Is That a Speck of Sawdust in Your Eye?

A few weeks ago I found myself perusing the wine aisles at Kroger while my two munchkins chowed down on the free sample cookies we'd scored. Okay, okay, there is a slight chance that I too was munching on the free sugar high. We weren't long on the wine aisle before some familiar faces came by. They too were looking for wine as in-laws were going to be at their home for an extended stay. In our family, grandparents bring a suitcase full of wine and coffee knowing that both will be consumed in large quantities. Evidently this is not true for all families. Go figure.

Anyway, Carolena and her friends commenced what appeared to be a break dancing contest to which the other mother turned a blind eye while I screeched "Don't you dare break any of this wine!" It was around this time that Carolena began to check out the grocery items in the other family's cart. And just what was her friends' cart? Frozen cereal.

Frozen cereal for Pete's sake.

Not frozen cereal like something you might find stashed between a bag of corn and a boxed pizza. Frozen cereal as in Elsa, Anna, Olaf and the rest of the gang. Frozen cereal as in a kid's Gucci bag. Frozen cereal as in this was the same girl who had asked Santa for "apps" this year. Apps.

Since that day Carolena has asked exactly one time to get Frozen cereal. I think she knew asking even once was a long shot. That's the kind of thing grandparents buy. And at the age of three she has probably already noticed that we're more dented cans kind of people than made-in-house guacamole types. What she will hopefully grow to learn as time goes by is why I can't bring myself to buy expensive groceries. I'm sure she'll spend some time yearning for her version of a Dooney bag, but if I do my job right, eventually she too will shun the Starbucks brand coffee in favor of Costco's Kirkland in bulk.

It's not about the money per se.

Well, that's not true. It's almost entirely about money. 

There is something about the fact that there are people in this world, many many people in fact, without enough to eat that makes me steer clear of the organic chicken. Yes, yes, I know that it's kinder to the chickens. And yes, I know that it's better for my family. But... I am grateful to even afford chicken at all. So I stop in front of those poor lifeless frozen (with a lower case f) chicken and give thanks that I can buy food. We keep beans stocked in the pantry not only because we love red beans and rice, but also because I don't want to be the rich man passing by Lazarus (Luke 16:19-31).

I mean no offense to Frozen cereal buying people. Even as I type I am certain I am peering right around the log sticking out of my eye. But for me, for now, I will rest easier knowing that there are people eating tonight because we spent our extra grocery money on cans for the food bank. I will serve dinner from some dented marked down boxes so that we can send some money to ERD. And in the morning when Carolena and Nils sit down at our kitchen table I can open the bag of store brand Happy O's and pour them each a bowl, thankful for the fact that we have so much food and love in our home.

You know what? That's not true either.
That's who I would like to be.

Instead, I am the mom who serves her kids red beans and rice and then beats myself up that we don't do enough. I lie awake in bed worrying over unknown people, unseen faces who are suffering. Chris sometimes accuses me of secretly wearing a hair shirt. But, I am who I am. And like Erma Bombeck, "When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'."

I hope that someday Carolena and Nils will choose to spend their money on others rather than themselves. Though it is counter-intuitive, it remains true that breakfast from a crushed box of off brand oatmeal fills the stomach much more than a bowl of Frozen cereal.