There is a chance that Carolena and I might need to both work on our meeting new people skills. This morning at the park we met (as in met - as in never knew before - as in "hi my name is...") a mom with two kids the same ages as C and Nils.
Here are some actual snippets from our morning:
Other Mom, "Now that we have two kids I really appreciate my morning cup of coffee. I set the timer on the pot before I go to bed!"
Me, "{incoherent nonsensical ramblings about having to get things done at night now}"
What?! Let's just blame that on the fact that I don't sleep nor do I drink coffee every morning.
Carolena proclaimed herself Elsa, the playground as her castle, and then began singing "Let it Go" at the top of her lungs. The other kid was not allowed on that portion of the playground as it was now her castle. Geeze.
The boy's name was Matthew. Being unable to pronounce the "th" sound yet, Carolena referred to as "Monkey."
And finally, there was this little gem when I said, "Did you get the email about the person in our neighborhood who lost their 85 lb tortoise? I hope I find it."
Yeahhh... I don't foresee that mom inviting us over for coffee anytime soon.
Monday, March 31, 2014
Saturday, March 29, 2014
Some People
Some people have well-lit photographs of their kids in finely smocked and monogrammed outfits.
Some people look photogenic after childbirth.
Some people bring in professional photographers to take pictures of their newborns.
Some people take monthly photos of their baby in a cute pose with a sticker pinned to his or her shirt with his/her age on it.
Some people go for the artsy look and use filtered lighting or fancy instagram nonsense.
Some people just aren't any fun.
We aren't those people.
Some people look photogenic after childbirth.
Some people bring in professional photographers to take pictures of their newborns.
Some people take monthly photos of their baby in a cute pose with a sticker pinned to his or her shirt with his/her age on it.
Some people go for the artsy look and use filtered lighting or fancy instagram nonsense.
Some people just aren't any fun.
We aren't those people.
Thursday, March 27, 2014
Conversational Carolena
"Don't touch my glasses. They'll be dangerous for you. Don't touch them."
Said out of no where about a pair of fish sunglasses she was wearing.
"Don't worry. Be happy, Carolena."
Sung to this tune but she adds her own name in.
Me: "Carolena, is there poop in your diaper?"
{there was}
Carolena: "No, my sweet mommy."
"Mommy, you go to witch doctor meeting?"
aka... weight watchers
Said out of no where about a pair of fish sunglasses she was wearing.
"Don't worry. Be happy, Carolena."
Sung to this tune but she adds her own name in.
Me: "Carolena, is there poop in your diaper?"
{there was}
Carolena: "No, my sweet mommy."
"Mommy, you go to witch doctor meeting?"
aka... weight watchers
Saturday, March 22, 2014
Words of Wisdom
Words of Wisdom
By Carolena
When you wake up from a nap, spend some time in the peace and quiet of your own room. Talk to your stuffed animals. It lets them know they are loved and appreciated. Read books. Tear the covers off of books. Look at your photographs. Eventually, call your mother. As soon as you hear her at your door, dive under the covers. When she comes in she'll ask, "Where aarreee youuuu?" to which you should respond by giggling and calling out the name of who she should be looking for. For instance, perhaps that day you are a baby fox in which case you should respond by giggling and then calling out, "where are you baby fox?!" Other good animal choices include but are not limited to: baby horse, baby pig, baby marmot, and the ever popular baby chipmunk. Once your mother has searched the room and finally found you under the covers, squeal in delight and dive into her lap for a snuggle. Have her refer to you as baby chipmunk (or whichever animal you decide upon) for the rest of the afternoon.
Having a new baby has many advantages. Not the least of these is the amount of time Mommy will have to spend feeding, changing, and diapering the baby. While this loss of one-on-one Mommy time is a bummer sometimes, it helps to use the time to foster your creative talents... or just take care of "Mack Baby" the cat. If Mommy is busy diapering Nils, gravitate to the pile of clean laundry sitting on her bed. Hm... Max is innocently lying nearby the laundry. When Mommy is finished diapering explain to her what you have done to take care of Max. "He needs his blankies (aka Mommy's underwear) and... his... hat! (a bra)." At the word "hat" place the bra as carefully as possible on top of the cat's head.
By Carolena
When you wake up from a nap, spend some time in the peace and quiet of your own room. Talk to your stuffed animals. It lets them know they are loved and appreciated. Read books. Tear the covers off of books. Look at your photographs. Eventually, call your mother. As soon as you hear her at your door, dive under the covers. When she comes in she'll ask, "Where aarreee youuuu?" to which you should respond by giggling and calling out the name of who she should be looking for. For instance, perhaps that day you are a baby fox in which case you should respond by giggling and then calling out, "where are you baby fox?!" Other good animal choices include but are not limited to: baby horse, baby pig, baby marmot, and the ever popular baby chipmunk. Once your mother has searched the room and finally found you under the covers, squeal in delight and dive into her lap for a snuggle. Have her refer to you as baby chipmunk (or whichever animal you decide upon) for the rest of the afternoon.
Having a new baby has many advantages. Not the least of these is the amount of time Mommy will have to spend feeding, changing, and diapering the baby. While this loss of one-on-one Mommy time is a bummer sometimes, it helps to use the time to foster your creative talents... or just take care of "Mack Baby" the cat. If Mommy is busy diapering Nils, gravitate to the pile of clean laundry sitting on her bed. Hm... Max is innocently lying nearby the laundry. When Mommy is finished diapering explain to her what you have done to take care of Max. "He needs his blankies (aka Mommy's underwear) and... his... hat! (a bra)." At the word "hat" place the bra as carefully as possible on top of the cat's head.
Thursday, March 20, 2014
Just Another Frantic Sunday
5 am already
I was just in the middle of a dream
I'm awakened by a hungry baby
and the noise of a toddler's screams
Gotta get two kids ready
Faces washed, bodies dressed, bellies fed
These are the days
When you wish you could just stay in bed
It's just another frantic Sunday
I wish it were Friday
'Cause that's our Saturday
My hubby's "I don't have to work day"
But it's just another frantic Sunday
Gotta jump into the shower
And maybe do my makeup while I nurse
And if I had another arm
I could stop the toddler goin' through my purse
It takes me so long just to figure out what I'm gonna wear
Think I'll just throw something on
Cause it'll soon be covered in spit-up and cat hair
It's just another frantic Sunday
I wish it were Friday
'Cause that's our Saturday
My hubby's "I don't have to work day"
It's just another frantic Sunday
Of all the mornings
Why does it have to rain right now?
We're soaked but finally in the Narthex
On time but don't ask me how.
Doesn't even matter
Just need to get into my pew
Lord Almighty, now where is my toddler's shoe?
It's just another frantic Sunday
I wish it were Friday
'Cause that's our Saturday
My hubby's "I don't have to work day"
It's just another frantic Sunday
I was just in the middle of a dream
I'm awakened by a hungry baby
and the noise of a toddler's screams
Gotta get two kids ready
Faces washed, bodies dressed, bellies fed
These are the days
When you wish you could just stay in bed
It's just another frantic Sunday
I wish it were Friday
'Cause that's our Saturday
My hubby's "I don't have to work day"
But it's just another frantic Sunday
Gotta jump into the shower
And maybe do my makeup while I nurse
And if I had another arm
I could stop the toddler goin' through my purse
It takes me so long just to figure out what I'm gonna wear
Think I'll just throw something on
Cause it'll soon be covered in spit-up and cat hair
It's just another frantic Sunday
I wish it were Friday
'Cause that's our Saturday
My hubby's "I don't have to work day"
It's just another frantic Sunday
Of all the mornings
Why does it have to rain right now?
We're soaked but finally in the Narthex
On time but don't ask me how.
Doesn't even matter
Just need to get into my pew
Lord Almighty, now where is my toddler's shoe?
It's just another frantic Sunday
I wish it were Friday
'Cause that's our Saturday
My hubby's "I don't have to work day"
It's just another frantic Sunday
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
Words of Wisdom
Words of Wisdom
By Carolena
If you are listening to the popular Mary Poppins ditty A Spoonful of Sugar (which, of course you are) take care to pay close attention to the lyrics regarding robins. "A robin feathering his nest has very little time to rest while gathering his bits of twine and twig. Though quite intent in his pursuit he has a merry tune to toot..." If you listen closely you'll be able to tell your mother later about robins who toot in their nests, "Two robins! They toot. Yeah, robins toot in their nests."
*Mommy note: Well played Carolena. Well played.
When arriving home from Kroger if your parents allow you to carry in the bag with a loaf of bread in it, be sure to maximize this opportunity. When your mom asks you to bring the bread to the kitchen so that she can put it away ask her which loaf of bread to which she is reffering. "My baby bread?!" Carry the baby bread around for the rest of the evening. Poor baby bread. Why has no one cared for her in the past? Give her a clean diaper and pajamas. Wrap her in a blanket. Carefully hold her, sing to her, and rock her. Baby bread is such a sweet darling baby. Treat her as such.
Host parties for your stuffed animals. They give you so much it is really only fair to give them something fun in return. Be sure to offer them their beverages of choice and play your red can "drum" for them. They'll want the party to rage all night long so act shocked if you return in the morning and the animals have retreated to their boxes. Hmph. Mommy probably broke up the party. What a stick in the mud.
By Carolena
If you are listening to the popular Mary Poppins ditty A Spoonful of Sugar (which, of course you are) take care to pay close attention to the lyrics regarding robins. "A robin feathering his nest has very little time to rest while gathering his bits of twine and twig. Though quite intent in his pursuit he has a merry tune to toot..." If you listen closely you'll be able to tell your mother later about robins who toot in their nests, "Two robins! They toot. Yeah, robins toot in their nests."
*Mommy note: Well played Carolena. Well played.
When arriving home from Kroger if your parents allow you to carry in the bag with a loaf of bread in it, be sure to maximize this opportunity. When your mom asks you to bring the bread to the kitchen so that she can put it away ask her which loaf of bread to which she is reffering. "My baby bread?!" Carry the baby bread around for the rest of the evening. Poor baby bread. Why has no one cared for her in the past? Give her a clean diaper and pajamas. Wrap her in a blanket. Carefully hold her, sing to her, and rock her. Baby bread is such a sweet darling baby. Treat her as such.
Host parties for your stuffed animals. They give you so much it is really only fair to give them something fun in return. Be sure to offer them their beverages of choice and play your red can "drum" for them. They'll want the party to rage all night long so act shocked if you return in the morning and the animals have retreated to their boxes. Hmph. Mommy probably broke up the party. What a stick in the mud.
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Aspirations
I once attended a Sunday school class that operated in a traditional format of lecture and small group discussion.* It was nearing the end of the hour. We'd heard an amazing teaching and spent time in small groups discussing the topic. The class was coming to an end when the person next to me turned to an old woman at our table and asked her what she thought. Let's call this old woman Betty. During the course of the hour Betty had smiled kindly and nodded during the lecture and as each of us had taken part in the discussion but not added anything to it herself (and note that I'm calling her "old" and not "older" - she was old). So, as I mentioned, at the end of the session the person next to me turned to Betty and said something like, "Betty, do you have anything to say about that?" to which Betty responded, "Hold on Dear, let me turn on my hearing aids. What?"
Another Sunday Betty arrived a little late to Sunday school. Too late, in fact, to snag one of the donuts. Finding only an empty box, Betty interrupted an entire table listening to the lecture in order to find out where more donuts were. Eventually, Betty convinced one of the ordained persons to go and fetch her a donut... from across the entire church campus... in the middle of someone's lecture. Well, we all have priorities. Evidently, once you reach a certain age, donuts trump Sunday school. Or, at least someone else's learning in Sunday school.
Betty gives us all something to aspire to: live long enough to demand your fair share of donuts and then turn off your hearing aids and enjoy!
*I've attended several churches during my life. I'm not telling who the real Betty is or what church this happened at. Just imagine any little old lady at your church, and that's Betty.
Another Sunday Betty arrived a little late to Sunday school. Too late, in fact, to snag one of the donuts. Finding only an empty box, Betty interrupted an entire table listening to the lecture in order to find out where more donuts were. Eventually, Betty convinced one of the ordained persons to go and fetch her a donut... from across the entire church campus... in the middle of someone's lecture. Well, we all have priorities. Evidently, once you reach a certain age, donuts trump Sunday school. Or, at least someone else's learning in Sunday school.
Betty gives us all something to aspire to: live long enough to demand your fair share of donuts and then turn off your hearing aids and enjoy!
*I've attended several churches during my life. I'm not telling who the real Betty is or what church this happened at. Just imagine any little old lady at your church, and that's Betty.
Monday, March 10, 2014
God Bless Texas
A few months ago I arrived at school to pick up Carolena. As per the usual, all of the moms who were there early and waiting were mothers of kids in C's class. When we all began to enter the classroom, the teacher said, "The mommies are here! Who's mommy is that?" as I entered the room first. Then, the most glorious fabulous magnificent thing happened. Little Carolena sat straight up on her nap mat and instead of saying something mundane like, "my mommy" she threw her arms open wide in welcome and called out in her loudest voice (sounding very much like Oprah), "It's Casssseeeyyyy Duunnncannn!!!"
Her teacher was impressed that Carolena knows my name. I told Mrs. M. that we taught Carolena our names just in case she ever gets separated from us. The teacher responded saying, "Wow! We don't teach them that until the spring. She's ahead of the curve. Just teach her where Daddy works too." So we did. And while we were at it we taught her that if she ever gets separated and can't find Mommy or Daddy to find another Mommy and tell her Daddy's name and where he works. Life skills.
Meanwhile, spring has sprung. What has Carolena learned at school thus far this semester? Well, thankfully she can finally recognize both the shape of Texas and the Texas flag, and says, "I love Texas!"
Our great state ranks among the bottom when it comes to education. For the life of me I can't figure out why.
Her teacher was impressed that Carolena knows my name. I told Mrs. M. that we taught Carolena our names just in case she ever gets separated from us. The teacher responded saying, "Wow! We don't teach them that until the spring. She's ahead of the curve. Just teach her where Daddy works too." So we did. And while we were at it we taught her that if she ever gets separated and can't find Mommy or Daddy to find another Mommy and tell her Daddy's name and where he works. Life skills.
Meanwhile, spring has sprung. What has Carolena learned at school thus far this semester? Well, thankfully she can finally recognize both the shape of Texas and the Texas flag, and says, "I love Texas!"
Our great state ranks among the bottom when it comes to education. For the life of me I can't figure out why.
Sunday, March 9, 2014
W.O.W.
Words of Wisdom
By Carolena
Flirting 101
Play hard to get and expect boys to do the same. Hang out with a kid named Blake.* However, should Blake attempt to hand you your water bottle or pick up your jacket for you, glare at him. In a move you parents hope you'll retain in high school, should Blake try to hug you, yell at him. But flirt with Blake nonetheless. He'll learn the value of playing hard-to-get soon enough. When it's time to leave Blake will probably do something predictable like help you gather your things and then give you a big smile while saying, "Bye Carolena! See you next time!" Hmph. Blake. Shoot him a look and then turn toward two other boys, smile, and coyly call out, "Bbbbbyyyeee Sam and Daniellll!" There. That'll show Blake. Hmm... Sam and Daniel are kinda cute...
*Boys' names have been changed to protect the innocent
By Carolena
Flirting 101
Play hard to get and expect boys to do the same. Hang out with a kid named Blake.* However, should Blake attempt to hand you your water bottle or pick up your jacket for you, glare at him. In a move you parents hope you'll retain in high school, should Blake try to hug you, yell at him. But flirt with Blake nonetheless. He'll learn the value of playing hard-to-get soon enough. When it's time to leave Blake will probably do something predictable like help you gather your things and then give you a big smile while saying, "Bye Carolena! See you next time!" Hmph. Blake. Shoot him a look and then turn toward two other boys, smile, and coyly call out, "Bbbbbyyyeee Sam and Daniellll!" There. That'll show Blake. Hmm... Sam and Daniel are kinda cute...
*Boys' names have been changed to protect the innocent
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Remorse
Dear Stomach,
I am sorry I ate a sausage patty at church on Shrove Tuesday.
I am sorry about the second helping of sausage that came moments later.
I am deeply sorry over the small package of beef jerky I inexplicably purchased a few weeks ago and ate when I got home last night.
Dear Kelly,
I'm sorry I laughed at you that time you got diarrhea at Barnes & Noble.
And I'm sorry for telling everyone about it.
And I'm sorry for repeating it now.
And I'm sorry that someone might read this and not catch the Mean Girls reference...
or am I?
I am sorry I ate a sausage patty at church on Shrove Tuesday.
I am sorry about the second helping of sausage that came moments later.
I am deeply sorry over the small package of beef jerky I inexplicably purchased a few weeks ago and ate when I got home last night.
Dear Kelly,
I'm sorry I laughed at you that time you got diarrhea at Barnes & Noble.
And I'm sorry for telling everyone about it.
And I'm sorry for repeating it now.
And I'm sorry that someone might read this and not catch the Mean Girls reference...
or am I?
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Conversational Carolena
"My wombat eats limes."
{then later}
"Hey, where my wombat's lime go?!"
Great, how long until I find a rotting lime in our house?
Me: "Carolena, why does your room suddenly smell like a hamster cage?"
{A sentence that I didn't think would mean anything to her as discussion of hamster cages has never come up before.}
Carolena's answer, "Because I'm a baby hamster! {pauses to think} No. I'm a baby guinea pig."
No day is complete without some form of this sentence...
"Let's go to the PUMPKIN PATCH!!!"
"Marmots poop on rocks."
This statement usually sounds disturbingly like, "Mommy poops on rocks."
She is accurate though, marmots do in fact poop on rocks.
{then later}
"Hey, where my wombat's lime go?!"
Great, how long until I find a rotting lime in our house?
Me: "Carolena, why does your room suddenly smell like a hamster cage?"
{A sentence that I didn't think would mean anything to her as discussion of hamster cages has never come up before.}
Carolena's answer, "Because I'm a baby hamster! {pauses to think} No. I'm a baby guinea pig."
No day is complete without some form of this sentence...
"Let's go to the PUMPKIN PATCH!!!"
"Marmots poop on rocks."
This statement usually sounds disturbingly like, "Mommy poops on rocks."
She is accurate though, marmots do in fact poop on rocks.
Saturday, March 1, 2014
W.O.W
Words of Wisdom
By Carolena
Words of encouragement go a long way. It's never a bad idea to shout out "great job Mommy! You did it!" Not sure when these words are appropriate? Here are some examples of when to cheer on your mother: "You tt on the potty? Great job Mommy! You did it!" or "You make granola (pronounced gran-O-la)? Great job Mommy! You did it!" Cheer on your mother for snapping the lid on your cup, handing you a plate of food, and well, pretty much anything! It will do wonders for her self-esteem.
Speaking of self-esteem, a store dressing room is also a great place to give Mommy some encouragement. After just having a baby she'll need to purchase a few "fourth trimester" articles of clothing. Follow her into the dressing room and just use this rule of thumb: if something is too small (or insanely too small, like why-did-she-bring-that-into-the-dressing-room small) then shout "That too big! That too big!" while shaking your head back and forth. If she manages to squeeze into something, simply smile and say "You're boootiful." Then, hand her the clothes she wore in and encourage her to "wear this."
If you mother put together a cardboard oven for you to play with and your cat Oliff Daddy gets in it, close the oven door immediately. Surprisingly, Olive will snuggle down and enjoy the cardboard oven. Later, while telling the story to Daddy, when Mommy asks, "what happened with Olive and your oven today?" you should answer, "Oliff Daddy get in oven. I bake pies."
Wear a peg leg. No need for explanation. Just wear a peg leg.
By Carolena
Words of encouragement go a long way. It's never a bad idea to shout out "great job Mommy! You did it!" Not sure when these words are appropriate? Here are some examples of when to cheer on your mother: "You tt on the potty? Great job Mommy! You did it!" or "You make granola (pronounced gran-O-la)? Great job Mommy! You did it!" Cheer on your mother for snapping the lid on your cup, handing you a plate of food, and well, pretty much anything! It will do wonders for her self-esteem.
Speaking of self-esteem, a store dressing room is also a great place to give Mommy some encouragement. After just having a baby she'll need to purchase a few "fourth trimester" articles of clothing. Follow her into the dressing room and just use this rule of thumb: if something is too small (or insanely too small, like why-did-she-bring-that-into-the-dressing-room small) then shout "That too big! That too big!" while shaking your head back and forth. If she manages to squeeze into something, simply smile and say "You're boootiful." Then, hand her the clothes she wore in and encourage her to "wear this."
If you mother put together a cardboard oven for you to play with and your cat Oliff Daddy gets in it, close the oven door immediately. Surprisingly, Olive will snuggle down and enjoy the cardboard oven. Later, while telling the story to Daddy, when Mommy asks, "what happened with Olive and your oven today?" you should answer, "Oliff Daddy get in oven. I bake pies."
Wear a peg leg. No need for explanation. Just wear a peg leg.
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