A Letter to My Future Whiney Self

Dear Future Casey,
Someday in the next few months you will once again whine about the side-effects of your new/old migraine preventative medication. Future Casey, shut your whiney mouth.
Love,
Casey

I took a break from my preventative medicine the last few months to chart my headaches. It has resulted in the re-revelation that I feel crummy everyday. Yesterday I told Carolena I was going to the "neurologist, the doctor who helps me with my headaches" and her response was "wow - you probably need to see him everyday!"

So, I'm going back on the preventative daily meds. The side-effects are a bummer (it leaches potassium making my skin insanely sensitive) and I have to once again stop drinking alcohol.

Yes, I see some whining in my future.

And yet, here, on this side of things... I can say that I have lived with those side-effects and I've lived with daily headaches, and I'm going to choose the side-effects. I would rather feel good and be back to drinking Gatorade. I am a very healthy person. I eat well. I exercise. I get as much sleep as can be expected with two small kiddos. I want to be someone who doesn't take any meds at all. That isn't the hand I've been dealt so I'm going to do the best I can with what I've got: migraines. Which in my particular case means daily meds. Suck it up Future Casey. It's better on that end of things.

Yesterday my neurologist was pushing on two points of my head (forehead and base of my skull where my pain originates and resides daily) and I almost fell asleep it felt so great. He was checking to see if there was any tenderness and had to laugh at me when I was like "wait! keep doing that!" Ha. I love that guy. If you need a recommendation for a good neurologist in Katy/West Houston I've got your guy.

So, as of last night, I'm back on track to start feeling great again... so don't offer me any juleps, I'll have to decline.

I Don't Make Monkeys, I Just Train Em!

I found something great in a big basket full of junk on our countertop. You know the basket, one of those "we'll deal with this later" kind of spots. Yesterday I was looking for something and found a piece of pink construction paper with this conversation sprawled across it in Sharpie:

Carolena (who was wearing a sparkly pink hat): "This is a singing hat AND a dancing hat. You can wear it when you dance and toss it off when you see someone handsome."
Me: "What does that mean?"
C: "A boy."
Me: "What makes him handsome?"
C: "Wearing a nice shirt... a jacket... handsome pants... you know, handsome."

It's 6:15 am and Nils is being introduced to Pee-Wee's Playhouse (thank you, Netflix!). Nils got up at 5 and soon thereafter told me he wants to go hang out with one of his teachers today. Uh, sorry kid. You're stuck with me again.

Speaking of being stuck with me, yesterday (I am ashamed to admit) I laughed at Carolena. I feel really bad about it... but... you can be the judge (don't tell me your verdict of my level of guilt). I was getting ready in the master bathroom and C&N were hanging out in my bedroom. I heard C say to N, "I'm drinking hot chocolate!" in a bragging voice. I thought perhaps Chris was making that in the kitchen and hoped he was making enough for both kids. Seconds later C came screaming into the bathroom with her tongue hanging out. She kept screaming (she's very dramatic) and pawing at her tongue. I gave her a cup of water and had her rinse and spit it out. She kept pawing and screaming. She finally told me what happened, "I was pretending to drink hot chocolate out of this cup... and when I took a pretend sip... it was full of cat hair!" And then I lost it laughing. oops.

Terrible mom moment: guilty as charged.

Procrastination Station

I don't understand procrastination. I mean... I'm going to have to do it eventually, so why not get the monkey off of my back?

And yet...

Someday I will have to actually wean back this caffeine as my sleeping, or lack thereof, has reached a terrible place.

Someday I will have to actually call our doctors and dentists and get check-ups on the calendar. I've been procrastinating on that since January. Why haven't I done it yet?

Someday I will have to go back to ww and weigh in... and by someday I mean by the end of the month... and I really really don't want to pay. So why haven't I buckled down and gotten back to goal yet? Or even within the not-paying range?!

Someday I will have to clean the blinds in our kitchen. They are gross as that is where Nils sits. But in my defense - they are huge. And cleaning them sounds miserable.

I have a lot of things Future Casey will have to deal with. Today I'll concentrate on eating well and drinking slightly less caffeine. And maybe getting some of those making appointment phone call monkeys off of my back. Ah! And the kids need raincoats.

But first: coffee. And a shower. Because at least I worked out this morning.

Oh Swell

Every once in a while I look around and see that I am the source of the problem. Everyone's new cubbies look like a mess?! Oh wait... it's just that mine has exploded with stuff. Our dresser is constantly covered in crap?! Oh... my bad. Tripping over shoes in the living room? Hmm... anyone else around here wear size 9 blue suede loafers? Rats. Me again.

Last night Chris came home to chaos. Total chaos. And this time it definitely wasn't me.

Had Chris come home to bathed and pajamed little angels it would have been because I'd lost my shit and forced the kids to take a bath while I drank a mint julep and read my book. Had Chris come home to a fresh mint julep it would have been because I was drinking one and pretended like I made it for him when he opened the door. Had Chris come home to a calm quiet dinner for two it would have been because the aforementioned children had peanut butter sandwiches while contained in the bathtub.

But he didn't.

He came home to people who were hungry and tired and melting down. He came home to a wife who was drinking water and trying to finish dinner so that we could enjoy a nice peaceful meal. He came home to kids who threw tantrums at the table (one of whom literally threw his veggies in protest).

I would have made a great 1950s housewife.

Monday Monday

Yesterday Chris had the day off of work (Monday after holy week the office is closed) and as the kids were at school we had a date day. It was the best day ever. The weather was perfect and we had lunch on the patio at Dish Society, a local farm to table restaurant. It's a very hipster restaurant in La Centerra (I love La Centerra. It makes me feel like I live in Aspen) and thus, much to my dismay, didn't have Diet Coke. I am one of those people who falls in between Gen X and the Millennials. I am much more like Ms than the Xers (almost M to a T) but have some definite X traits like being annoyed that a hipster restaurant didn't carry my poison drink of choice. Stupid hipsters carrying Maine Root drinks instead of Coca Cola.

I actually love that restaurant. Farm to table? Awesome. Outdoor seating? Yes please. Normal sized salads instead of entire bag of lettuce in a bowl? Yes. I might leave and come home and eat a bag of chips (oops) but I love restaurants that don't overdo portions (unless its Mexican food and then bring on the chip baskets!).

We also volunteered at school for C's class' library time. It was so fast with two people and way more fun with Chris (as most things are). And we managed to get our announcement together for telling the kids where we are going on vacation this year and had time to veg on the couch. It was pretty much heaven. If we'd gone to Goodwill and bought a ton of books I would have exploded with happiness.

When the kids came home from school we had a big chest in the doorway with a note on it about how we'll be going on vacation soon. When they opened the trunk Mickey and Minnie balloons floated out and I dumped a bunch of small Disney balloons over their heads while we yelled, "We're going to Disney World!"

They were mostly excited about the balloons.

Yeah.

Now we can finally start obsessing about our upcoming trip and make a big countdown chart for the kids. I'd tell you when we're going but I don't want you to come rob my house, Kelly. Perhaps I should count the pineapple iced tea spoons before we leave.

The day ended with homemade pizza and mint juleps and dinner on our deck. Kids went to bed easily and we watched more It's Always Sunny. So, hmm, yesterday was pretty much an ideal day. What now Tuesday?!

In other news: I'm off the wagon on pretty much everything. I'm out of control on caffeine. I'm eating whatever the hell I want and thus over my ww goal (oh crap). I'm drinking mint juleps (duh, it's spring and we have a deck. Plus I'm rereading GWTW and that doesn't help). The only thing that I haven't gone off the rails on is working out. I've even been sleeping in til 6am. *SIGH* I wish I could get motivated to get a grip but I can't seem to find a "why" for any of those things. I know my neurologist would have something to say about my caffeine but I'm doing well with migraines soooo... bring on the coffee...? I know the mint juleps are adding to the ww weight problem but... it's spring. And they're good. I know I'm going to have to weigh in for April and I'll have to pay (I've been at goal for like 18 months. I really don't want to pay) but I just can't seem to get a grip. The problem is this: I've gained five pounds and I don't see why it matters. I don't want five to turn into ten and that's why I need to get a grip... but the five didn't really make a difference in my life other than having more fun. I know that five pounds less is about as small as I get. Five pounds heavier and my clothes still fit (not as well). Chris thinks I'm beautiful no matter what (God bless him). I'm still exercising. Losing the five gained will require the loss of my mint juleps and not eating enormous amounts of pizza. I need to find my motivation. Perhaps for now I will concentrate on losing weight so I don't have to pay for April. I'll let Future Casey deal with the caffeine. For now, another cup of coffee.

maundy thursday in our house

rainy day
one kid sick
three cups of coffee consumed
more under consideration
countless projects to work on
hubby working late
not complaining
peace and potential

Don't Call it a Comeback, I've Been Here for Years

I read two books last week. TWO. Like... as in... finished two books. In the Kingdom of Ice: The Grand and Terrible Voyage of the USS Jeannette was fascinating and insanely good. Then over Saturday and Sunday I picked up The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks and read it cover to cover. Sucked in. I definitely recommend both books. So, now what to read?? So many books to read and reread. And so many more books on the shelves of Goodwill!

Spring Break was great - the kids and I spent the week with my parents, my sis, and her kids all at the beach. The kids ran amok. I consumed far too many calories. Nils summed up the week-long trip by screaming, "Nooo!!! Go back Moom's house! Beach!! Nooo!!" when we turned off of the highway and into Katy. Yep.

Luckily for Nils (and the rest of us) Moom showed up at our house yesterday. Chris gifted me with two tickets for me to go see Cabaret with mi madre so we're heading into the bayou city for that tomorrow night. Party! Party!

I'm tired. I've gained weight. My caffeine consumption is through the roof. You know when would be a good time to get control? Yesterday. Instead I ate donuts and McDonalds (I don't even like donuts!). Today: restart. Again.

The Run Down

Reading: Coffee Tea or Me (rereading actually. I read it in college) and In the Kingdom of Ice: The Grand and Terrible Voyage of the USS Jeannette. I usually just read one book at a time and really prefer to just read one at a time. I'm not sure how it happened that I'm in the middle of two insanely different books right now, but I am so now I need to finish them. My stack of books to read is growing and growing. My routine on Mon/Wed includes stopping at Goodwill after I drop the kids at school. So yeah, the stack of "to read" has grown considerably.

Consuming: beer... chips... coffee... oh Lord the coffee intake is out of control. Diet Coke. What's happening?!??! At least I can also include edamame and Yoplait Whips yogurt to the list. Those are my healthy over-indulgences. Most days I eat an entire bag of edamame for lunch. On one hand... really? On the other hand... that's a pretty great lunch.

Last night: perfect weather. Beer and chips and guac on our deck. A hot bath. Asleep before 8pm. Heaven.

Excited for: the beach!!! The kids and I are heading to the beach for SIX days. I am giddy. The girls and the kids are all heading to the beach for some fun and chaos and hopefully limited meltdowns (for both kids and moms). So, don't worry about checking my blog for a week. I'll be living it up on Bolivar.

Rain, Rain, Go Away So the Snakes Won't Come to Play

Dear Snakes of Fort Bend County,
I know it has been raining a hell of a lot. I know that construction all around our neighborhood with a new boardwalk, a new park, a new water park... all that jazz... has really put you out. I know you have few places left to go and, recently, little to no places that are dry. However, our house is not an option. Do not come into it again. Ever.
Sincerely, Casey


Last night I lived into an insane female stereotype. I went into the kids' bathroom and when I went to open the door and walk out THERE WAS A SNAKE IN OUR HOUSE!!!!!

I literally jumped onto the stool that the kids keep at the sink and started shrieking, "CHRIS!! Snake in the house!!" over and over. I don't know how the kids slept through my freaking out.

Let it now be known that the snake was approximately the size of a pencil. Maybe smaller. Yeah, smaller I think.

Chris came to rescue me by first seeing the size of the snake and then (probably inwardly rolling his eyes at the proportionality of my huge freak out to the small snake) grabbed an empty toy bin to catch it in... and that's when... it slithered into the smallest crack ever IN OUR WALL!!!!!

Ahhhhhh!!! Why God, why?!?!?!

Needless to say I was hyperventilating. Olive (who will henceforth be known as "the best cat ever") came prowling around with obvious hopes of catching the snake. Thanks, Olive.

Then... I saw another snake! Which turned out to be a rubberband.
And then another! Which was my cell phone cord sitting where it always sits.
The third snake turned out to be a pair of sunglasses. Then a pair of shoes. My toothbrush. My own feet. Everything looked serpentine.

After texting my sister for moral support, checking my sheets nine hundred times, and trying to think about anything else in the entire world, I finally fell asleep.

How's that for a Slytherin gal?

Day Three of My Captivity

I'm looking at DAY THREE stuck in our house.

So yeah, I don't have much of interest to blog about right now.

I've been barfed on six times in the last twenty-four hours. Surprisingly, that doesn't bother me. It exhausts me... but doesn't gross me out like I would have thought. Maybe because comforting my sweet Nils is more important than worrying about the vomit. Or maybe because I've spent my entire life as a barfer (oh man, I throw up easily) so vomit is commonplace rather than totally gross. Who knows.

Chris came home with a huge container of bath salts and a new candle and sent me straight into a hot bathtub. And while I was soaking away the smell of vomit, he dealt with the insurance mumbo jumbo that's been annoying me.

Last night included one vomiting child incident so I slept a portion of the night on his floor. At some point I awoke and wanted to move to my bed only to discover both of my legs were asleep. It was quite painful and comical. I ended up literally crawling to the couch where I once again attempted to stand twice, and collapsed twice, before turning into She-Ra and just using my upperbody to toss myself onto the couch. I slept there until I heard Nils throwing up again. I awoke Chris and upon going to Nils' bed, found that I must have dreamed the throwing up as Nils was fast asleep.

This morning began with coffee, more vomit, and more coffee. I miraculously got Nils to fall back asleep and wound up taking a nap as well. More coffee. More laundry. More of a day inside. I'm getting cabin fever and it might be getting weird around here. I desperately needed to get to the grocery store days ago. And needed a haircut last week that I put off until this week. So... that's a bummer.

If you would like to talk to me conversational choices are limited to Sir Ernest Shackleton, Eric Weihenmayer, Mt. Everest's Death Zone, our upcoming vacation, and Lorna's backstory on Orange is the New Black. Anything else and I can assure you I am only pretending to listen.

Run and Grab It

Once when I was working out and a cute British gal was instructing she talked about the British tradition of having the first words out of your mouth on the first of each month be "rabbit rabbit rabbit" and this ensures good luck in the month to come.

I thought she was saying "Run and grab it!" until I remembered the British thing of saying "rabbit." For those few moments of lying on my back bench pressing my bar and thinking "run and grab it!" I was totally in. I love that. Forget about "rabbit rabbit." Let's run and grab it.

January and February were disastrous when it comes to eating well. They were highly successful months in terms of drinking beer and eating queso and having a great time. Thankfully I kept working out so not all is lost.

March is going to be different though.

I'm committed to March as a back on track month, which for me means Simply Filling. Anyone who wants to have a great March can join me. No more 10,000 cookies before bed.

My plan is simple... to go back to the basics. I'm going to eat healthy food for every meal I am in charge of (which is most meals). I'm going to only have beer during Spring Break (beach!). Other than Spring Break - no alcohol this month. Rodeo night (tomorrow) I'll eat crapola. Other than that, I'll be on track. I've got to run and grab it.

That's the plan and I'm sticking to it. If you need the moral support of knowing someone else is committing to this month on track - I'm in whether you're coming with me or not.

It's March. Run and grab it.

ABCs of today

Addicted. It's Sunny in Philadelphia. Netflix. Need I say more? Okay, I'll say more. I love Charlie Day. I think he is so adorable and told Chris that if there were a movie version of our lives Charlie Day would play Chris. I then reenacted a scene from It's Sunny in which Charlie's teeth fall out because he never brushes them... Chris was not amused but rather bemused (Chris brushes his teeth). "It's the actor! Not the character that reminds me of you!" I'm not sure he bought it.

Back and Bootcamp and Birthday- I strained a muscle in my upper back yesterday (no, Mom, no tooo badly. Just like a big knot) and it's too sore to go to bootcamp tomorrow. I'm totally bummed about this as tomorrow is my birthday. Does that sound crazy to you? For people's birthdays in bootcamp we do everything in sets of their age. So tomorrow we were going to do 33s. I'm bummed.

Coffee, what else? Despite my neurologist's recommendation to keep caffeine to two cups of coffee a day, I've been letting it creep up again. It's always a caffeine roller-coaster around here. Not really a caffeine roller-coaster... coffee. Just coffee.

Dirty. Well, maybe not dirty but messy... our house that is. I've been trying to clean all week and it's messier than when I began. How does that happen?! I think because I'm trying to clean out and reorganize and not just hide away all of the crap. Our house is weird because we have several areas that are basically empty (like the cabinets underneath all of our bathroom sinks) but then we have crapola everywhere that doesn't seem to have a place to go. Reorganizing makes everything so messy. Messy, not dirty.

Erik Weihenmayer aka My New Hero. Remember how I only want to talk about Everest or Antarctica? Well, guess what... Erik Weihenmayer has been to both. He's done the Seven Summits and is so lovable and, oh by the way, he does all of this blind. I need everyone to read his book so we can talk about him all of the time. I emailed his facebook contact page and got a reply from his manager (or some such person). She asked me where I live so that they can consider inviting me to an upcoming talk. Oh my gosh I reeaaalllly want to go hear him speak. Now I just need to figure out what I'm going to do to sign up for his No Barriers commitment. Let's all do it. It doesn't have to be a physical challenge. Anyone else want to sign up?

Freaking stalker... yikes. If all I want to do is talk about Sir Ernest Shackleton that's fine. But somehow having my new hero be someone living makes me sound like a stalker... I'm not, just to be clear. Although if Erik Weihenmayer lived nearby I would invite his family over for dinner... sooo... hmm. Just read the damn book and you'll feel the same way. Trust me, I never throw out a broad "you have to read this" to everyone I know, but this one. Yep. Read it.

Girl Scout Cookies. I think the solution to the "I want to buy a bunch but not eat a bunch" problem is to purchase the "Thanks A Lots" and give them to people for whom you are thankful. We bought four boxes of cookies, ate two, and have two to give away. Perfect solution. I can't wait for kids to join scouts (years from now I'm going to be up to my eyeballs in cookies and popcorn and look back on that sentence and roll my eyes).

Hoopla. We just realized our library has Hoopla and we can borrow digital media - ummm awesome! So at the moment we're listening to Disney audio books. C is snuggled up on the floor and Nils is wandering around with Pup-pup and King Julian (his two lovies).

Ingredients. The ingredients we always have on hand? Ingredients for red beans and rice, homemade pizza, pasta, and stir-fry. These are my go-to meals when I don't feel like going to the grocery store. Except that I always forget about stir-fry so we pretty much never have that.

Jimmers. When I went to Beaumont this week the plan was to come back with Jimmers' boyhood dresser aka my childhood dresser aka Nils' new dresser. With Jimmers' help I filled the entire bed of the truck. I came back with the dresser, an awesome ancient trunk, a small table for the backyard, two huge cubbies from my old preschool, and two blue velvet wing-back chairs. Needless to say, Chris was surprised.

Katie. Oh thank God for Katie. Katie is the first friend I made after we moved here and she is fabulouso. We have kids around the same age and they all love each other so that works out nicely. Nils talks about her boys pretty much all of the time. Last Friday while our husbands were at Dio Council Katie had us over for pizza and ice cream and when bedtime came I tossed my kiddos into pjs and one out of two fell asleep on the drive home. Since Friday every single time we've gone anywhere at all Nils has cheered "Cooper and Charlie's house!" and is disappointed ("ooohhh") when we pull into anywhere that isn't their house.

Lent. The day before Ash Wednesday this year I was still like, "Oh yeah... Lent... I don't feel like it this year" but then I recalled that Lent is about remembering that I am not the Creator. I am the creation. So, perhaps the years when I'm "not into it" are the most important years of all. Perhaps those are the years when I most need to remember that I am not God. So, I'm doing it. Lent, that is.

My mom. I'm in the mood for my mom to come visit. We can go thrift-storing and hang up pictures in my house and rearrange furniture and watch chick flicks. Come over, Mom! It will be fun fun fun!

Nils. That little guy is hilarious. Like, purposely hilarious. Yesterday evening the kids went to the neighbors' house to play. I made dinner with our back door open and listened to the squeals of happiness coming from the yard next door. Being old enough to go play with the kids next door? What fun for all of those kiddos!

Oatmeal. My current breakfast. Old fashioned oats, a sprinkling of chocolate chips, and a spoonful of peanut butter all stirred together. Yum.

Piney Wood Fever. We came back from Beaumont with sore throats and itchy eyes. Why is that always the case when it's the same eco-system? Carolena walked through the kitchen yesterday and said in a croaky voice, "Well, it feels like I've got the Piney Woods Fever." Ha! Piney Woods Fever! That kid. From henceforth all southeast Texas allergies shall be known as "Piney Woods Fever."

Quest. I'm on a quest to find a bicycle built for two. Not a quest like I'm looking online and going to buy one for a couple hundred dollars quest. A quest like I'm checking Goodwill often and hopefully this quest will end with me paying like $50 and laughing manically every time I ride it that someone marked it $50. That kind of quest. I'm also on a quest for vintage hats. 

Rush. I'm really excited about our birthday present for my nephew Rush this year. I had to clear it with my sister, but if you don't want me to ruin the surprise then stop reading. Ready? A jar of worms. Hahaha. Really. Yeah. I think I'm going to make one for us too. I'm going to put layers of dirt into a big jar (with holes in the lid, of course) and then fill it with worms. It's going to be awesome. Don't you wish I were your aunt too?

See America First. Oh my gosh - while at my parent's house my mom gave me a big trunk with a See America First sticker on it. I'm giddy. See America First?! That trunk must be like 100 years old. I wonder who put that sticker on it. I wonder where they went. My RPTS side is geeking out.

Too damn early. Why are my kids waking up too damn early everyday?! Stay in bed! Sleep! Geeze Louise.

Under our bed. We have more things stored under our bed than under my bathroom sink. That seems strange to me.

Vacuum. Yep, we got a new one. Again.

Walrus. "Carolena, if I didn't know any better I would think you were a baby koala" I said to which she innocently replied, "Mommy, if I didn't know any better I would think you were a big fat walrus swimming in the sea." Evidently if you are 4.5 then baby koala and big fat walrus are comparable in the list of okay things to call another human.

X - x was Carolena's letter of the week this week and she brought in a T-Rex. We thought and thought and thought about what to bring. The morning her letter bag was due we still had nothing for it... until I tripped over the T-Rex, picked that sucker up, and tossed him in the bag. Thanks Carolena's school homework guardian angel!

Yesac. That's my backwards name. Amileen and I used to love figuring out how to pronounce everyone's names backwards in elementary school. Huh, Amileen is now probably what you think her name was... it was Neelima. Or was it...? Now you're confused... bwa ha ha!

Zoo! Tomorrow is my birthday and we're going to spend the day at the zoo. I can't wait. I love my birthday (yeah, I'll admit it) and I'm going to live it up. I was going to start the day with bootcamp, but alas, I guess I'll start the day some other way. I'm definitely getting Starbucks though. Probably. Maybe. Eh... I'll just make coffee at home. And then we're going to the zoo! Hooray! The zoo is one of our family's favorite outings. Everyone has a blast. We get to be outside. Kids are consistently well-behaved there. Zoo! Zoo! Zoo!

Why Is It Always the Beths?

Alternate post title: The Beth's Have It.

One of my very favorite people in the whole world is my friend Beth. She's awesome. A different Beth than the last one.

I met this Beth sporadically at random times in the life of the clergy of our diocese. She's an Episcopal priest and I'm married to one so we ran into one another from time to time. She knew Chris well and so we would be like, "oh yeah. We've met... uh... hi...???'

And then I became the interim missioner of the campus ministry at t.u. 
And Beth became the missioner there.
So we had some overlap while I "taught her the ropes."

Okay, I was supposed to be holding down the fort/teaching her the ropes/helping her transition/etc. But in reality Beth is one of the most intelligent capable go-for-it people I've ever met so she came in and took over (in a great way), and I would come to work at whatever hour I felt like, dump my hugely pregnant self into a chair in my office, eat queso, and read Harry Potter. You would think that this would have made Beth despise me. But it didn't. Now that I know Beth I'm pretty sure this is what made her love me. Had I been super-helpful and in her face and still trying to run the place she would have loathed me. I think the fact that I just let her take over sealed the deal. That combined with and all of the queso and Harry Potter. Being from Virginia Beth swears she has to now eat enough queso in adulthood to make up for the years before she moved to Austin. Yeah, see why we're friends?

Beth and I had no "becoming friends" phase. We went instantly to being BFF. We have a shared love of reading and she is one of the few people who can give me books and I don't feel like "oh crap... do I have to actually read this like homework now?" She is one of those people who can talk about anything. If I want to talk her face off about polar exploration she will listen attentively and (at least pretend) like what I'm saying is as fascinating as I imagine. She is up for an adventure pretty much all of the time so if I say something like "I was reading about Kenya..." she will tell a story about being in Kenya. Or sailing in Maine. Or climbing Mt. Everest during the 1996 disaster. Okay, I made that last one up.

Beth's awesome. And that's why on Sunday I found myself wearing her hand-me-down shirt and groovy patterned tights. Because I'm like the technically older, younger sister she never had. Which might be why she puts up with me.

Luckily we bamboozled her into being Nils' godmother so she's pretty much stuck with me for life.

Reading, Eating, and Rising (Too) Early

Reading: The Casual Vacancy. I am totally sucked in and spent all of yesterday ignoring my children and reading. I don't feel guilty about that at all... that's how you teach people to love reading isn't it?

Eating: Too much. Ugh. I dread weighing in at WW this week. *sigh* What happened???
Oh, I remember. I switched migraine meds and have been crazy eating every since. Crap.

Coffee: two cups and sometimes a Diet Coke with lunch. What happened???

Amazon recommended this for me this morning: Pass the Tooting Stinky Pig - Funny Hot Potato Farting Dice Game Toy.
I'm speechless. Amazon, do you not know me at all? That seems like something someone would buy for me all the while thinking "Casey will love this. This is so her sense of humor" and I would open it and smile and think, "wow. This person does not know me at all. My feelings are so hurt that they think I would like this" and our friendship would be forever changed in subtle ways because of it. Amazon, that friend is you.

Nils has been waking up before 5am. I blame Chris.
Okay, okay, put down your pitchforks. Here's why: because like a week or two ago Chris said with a sigh, "Neither of our kids have ever come and slept in our bed."
I was like, "umm... yes. We're lucky like that."
To which he responded with "I wish they would. Just wake up during the night and run and hop in our bed and snooze. That would be great."
Me: "No. It wouldn't. That's why parents complain about that."

Fast forward to this morning. 430am Nils in our room.
Me to Chris "I blame you for this."
Chris, "I just want him to do this and not wake us up."
Me, "aaaargh!"

Hiding

So perhaps hiding in my closet to eat candy and read Mindy Kaling's book wasn't the best way to spend the afternoon on my "Restart Day! Lose the five pounds I gained in the last month!" Oh well. You know when a good time to get a grip and lose weight is? Tomorrow.

*sigh* or today I suppose. At least it's "I'm happy weight" which one can trick oneself into believing looks really insanely good. Weight gain due to beer consumption, chips and queso, and secret candy in the closet can do that to you.

Nils had his own "Oh crap where can I hide?!" moment yesterday too which consisted of him grabbing the tv remote, glancing all around him to both (a) check if I was watching and (b) find a secret location to inspect and subsequently push buttons. He opted for scrambling to the "Time Out!" spot where I found him squatting, smiling, pressing, and glancing at me with that impish grin and a twinkle in his eye. "One more minute?" he inquired. That smile. That eye twinkle. He has me wrapped around his chubby little tv-remote-button-pushing-finger, so of course I let him.

Care for Another Cup?

When we lived in DC we received many more visitors than we do living in Katy. We knew even then that people were visiting for a free place to stay. One such couple came to DC and Chris took them on a whirlwind tour of our nation's capitol. One of the visitors was full of questions like, "what's that building?" (while looking at the capitol) and "I don't know about that war" when standing at the WWII monument.

This is a college graduate.

And yes, evidently I'm extremely judgmental about people in their twenties who don't recognize the capitol building while standing on the national mall or even know enough to keep it to themselves if the details of WWII seem a bit hazy.

So, I confess: I know nothing about Voltaire except his name. Is this someone I should know more about than just his name? At least I recognize the name. I feel like I'm standing at the White House asking if its important. Okay, not that bad. But I'm not even sure if I'm supposed to know more about Voltaire.

Why do I suddenly bring him up?

Last night as I was reading The First American: The Life and Times of Benjamin Franklin I came across and interesting tidbit. And then I went to wikipedia to confirm:
Voltaire was also known to have been an advocate for coffee, as he was reported to have drunk it 50–72 times per day. It has been suggested that high amounts of caffeine acted as a mental stimulant to his creativity (Wikipedia)

Um. I love him.

Maybe that's what people will say about me someday. "Casey was known to be an advocate for coffee, as she was reported to have drunk it 50-100 times per day. It has been suggested that high amounts of caffeine acted as a mental stimulant to her creativity, feats of strength, patience in motherhood, circus contortionist acts, and pirating the high seas."

Yesterday and the Land of Lincoln

Yesterday I did the unthinkable: I watched tv (okay Netflix) all day long.

*gasp*

At Kelly's insistence I've gotten hooked on Jane the Virgin which has upped the number in the overlap of the venn diagram of tv shows Kelly and I like.

Chris is making breakfast for the kids right now. I'm making a venn diagram of tv shows my sister and I like. He's a patient man. Although... he doesn't know that's what I'm doing... bwah ha ha ha!

Back to yesterday. Yesterday I dropped kids off at school and then came home and crashed on the couch. My brother was passing through town and I met him for some great Tex-Mex and then I came home and crashed again until it was time to pick up kids. Guys, I don't think I've EVER spent a school day like that. It was great. Certainly not something I want to do regularly but once a semester or so for sure.

After picking up the kids from school we did this:

My parents gave Chris a HUGE container of Lincoln Logs for Christmas. See that huge blue container? When all of the Lincoln Logs are in it... it's FULL. My plan is to sneak all of the train tracks out of Nils' room one day when he's napping so we can build a huge log cabin village with a train running all through it. I would include Nils except that the majority of the time he plays construction games with us we dub him "Godzilla."

Yesterday was great. Today: a trip to the library, a huge trip to the grocery store, and of course, the Lincoln Log container is already open.

I DID IT!

Last year I actually made a 2015 New Year Resolution.
And then even more surprisingly, as of this morning, it is now safe to officially say: I DID IT!
I went to 515am Bodypump and Bootcamp for the entirety of 2015.

I wish I'd thought to do a formal "before" photo back in January. It honestly just didn't occur to me. I knew that I would stick with it. I knew that it would be transformative. I just didn't think to take a before pic. Here's the best I've got:

December 2014

I was in pretty good shape this time last year. I was going to BodyPump twice a week and lifting a "normal" amount of weight for a female. At least I'm just guessing that was what an average female is lifting in Bodypump based on the fact that I was lifting around what every other female in my class was lifting.

Then for NY15 I resolved to not miss a work out. I was already going to 515am m/w BodyPump regularly and showing up for Friday bootcamp every once in a while so my resolution was to go to m/w BodyPump and Friday 515am Bootcamp. Every week. The only legitimate excuses were migraine or being out of town.

And then... I did it. I went. And I went. And I went. I missed a few summer bootcamps while I was on vacation (but sadly, not too many. note to self: go on vacation more). I missed a few classes along the way due to migraines (but thankfully only like one or two!). But overall... I didn't miss. I'm always there. I've practically worn a hole in the floor from the door to "my" spot. I've become a fixture in those classes. People I don't know know my name. The instructor sometimes talks to me during the class (like, in her microphone). When I do miss, people notice and asks where I was.

Weird, right?

But it's not weird anymore... it's now my normal. Which is weird.

So, one full year of working out. What's changed? Well, I'm a heck of a lot stronger. The resolution was simply to show up. But I found that I started focusing on getting stronger and competing against myself. I didn't want to just show up and then end 2015 where I started. I wanted to keep moving up in my weights. Bodypump is all about high reps for lean muscles rather than bulking up. So for instance we might do like 100 reps of different bicep curls. I think I've almost tripled my bicep weights from what I was lifting a year ago. Now when I look around I'm lifting what most of the men in the room are lifting. Meanwhile, bootcamp has driven me in such a way that my doctors are thrilled when they read my blood pressure numbers on their charts. People assume that I've lost weight. Interestingly, I haven't. I'm a Weight Watchers Lifetime Member so I know that I have lost exactly three pounds. I think I've dropped two pant sizes though. Can I just say "weird" again? Physically, I've just become a person who works out regularly, intensely, for an hour three times a week. And it feels great.

It's also been good for me emotionally. I like to say "it's cheaper than therapy!" even though it isn't since therapy would be free on our insurance. So... yeahhh... it is good for me though. There's something great about going to the gym three times a week where only two people know anything about me. I just sweat and work hard and make weird faces and talk to myself in the mirror (usually something to the tune of "oh just do it!" when I'm about to drop a heavy weight). It feels good to set small goals (like add a weight or run faster) and then accomplish them.

This morning right after my last workout of the year I asked Chris to take my picture (nothing like looking worse in your "after" photos, right?). I was pretty tempted to just upload a picture of Chris with his big bushy beard as my after photo. Ha! But I can't find one so I guess I'll just show you what I've been working on.

2015: the year of exercising.
Now I need something to keep me motivated for 2016. Uh oh... any ideas?

Mary Has Chosen the Better Part

Currently reading: still in the depths of Benjamin Franklin. As it turns out if you just read a paragraph here and there when you steal a minute or two to read... then it takes forever to read a book. Better than not reading though.
Number of cups of coffee gulped down this morning: wouldn't you like to know? Hmph. Yeah, like I'd admit that number. You'd probably send that info straight to my neurologist. I don't need that kind of blackmail information hanging out there.
Number of various to-do and check-offs and grocery lists and what-nots stacked up in the kitchen: too many.


I'm not the person who gets caught up in the Christmas consumerism. Oh Heaven's no. Have you met me? No, no, no. I am guilty of the same thing Martha is in Luke (10:38-42). Martha, as it turns out, is "distracted by her many tasks" (Luke 10:40).

In the Greek it actually says that she was distracted by her ministry.

So, what have I been distracted by this Advent season? Well, I'm teaching an adult forum on Luke. I spent a million hours stuck at our stove while I labored over caramel corn for librarians and teachers and various other people for whom we give thanks (side note: thanks a lot Houston December humidity for ruining so much of that). We brought cookies to the employees at the Goodwill near our house. We've got a huge thing of chocolate bark peppermint candy that needs to be packaged and given away. Gatorade and candy packets are waiting for the recycling truck guys to pass by so that I can run out with a cheering Nils on my hip. A hundred packets of Martha Stewart's hot cocoa we're made for the church Christmas party. I'm in charge of the craft for Nils' Christmas party so instead of being a "normal" mom and just buying some sort of kit I wanted to use things we already had on hand and created a bunch of snowmen for them to glue together. Of course. Logical. And all family gifts have been carefully created or selected, wrapped, and put away. Well, almost all.

Yes, Martha, I too have been distracted by my ministry. That's the kicker about Advent, isn't it? Even if you're doing good things, they can still be insanely distracting. And the problem for me is that I love it. I love all of those things. As my sister always reminds me, we all have the same amount of time and just choose how we spend it. I, for one, don't watch tv. And ever since my Facebook epiphany I don't waste much time online either. Thus, I have "plenty of time" (or do I?) for all of this other stuff.

Isn't it interesting that Luke notes that Martha was distracted BY her ministry and not FROM it?

My goal was to be finished with the lists after this weekend (which for us meant when I went to bed on Saturday). It didn't happen. Instead I turned into Martha, burned my arm, and stood crying over a pot of hot caramel. Had Jesus been sitting in the living room I would have stormed in and demanded that he send someone into the kitchen to help me. Man, I hope that batch of caramel corn doesn't turn out Like Water for Chocolate!

The funny (sad?) thing is that if I were caught up in the Christmas consumerism, that would be an easier habit to break. I think it's much harder to keep oneself from getting too distracted by ministry. Saying "I'm not going to spend $500 on electronics for our kids this year!" is much easier than saying, "We aren't going to give presents to our garbage truck drivers anymore" (because, duh, of course we are. They are the people we are more thankful for than almost anyone!).

So, what's the solution?

I don't know actually. Starting preparations earlier? Maybe. Typing up a list of things I do every single year so that I at least know what I'm in for next year? Maybe. Setting aside times for sitting like Mary? Yes. For sure. And, well, maybe giving up some of the ministry actually. Perhaps I don't have to do everything. Maybe the teachers don't care if we give homemade caramel corn or just pick up a bunch of Starbucks gift cards. Hell, maybe they'd prefer the gift cards.

But that's the problem. I don't want to give gift cards. I LIKE doing it all. I like handmade gifts. I like the thought and effort it takes. I like that my children see the work and love (and yes, sometimes tears) that goes into giving around here.

You know what would have lessened the stress this year? Had I not gotten rid of all my winter clothes last summer. I mean, in my defense, they were all way too big (woo!) but it is pretty damn anxiety-producing that we're leaving town for a wedding on Thursday morning and I LITERALLY don't have clothes to bring for all of the events.

WHY AM I BLOGGING WHEN I SHOULD BE BUYING SOME CLOTHES?

At least Advent is supposed a time of active expectation. Christmas is the time for joyful contemplation and celebration of incarnation. Maybe I'll just slow down for Christmas.

And maybe next year I'll do a better job at Advent.

If You Give Casey a Nativity Scene

If you give a mouse a cookie, she'll want a glass of milk.

People always check out nativity scenes.

And then people always look back up from mine and glare at me in shock. "Why is baby Jesus already in your manger?! It isn't Christmas yet!" and sometimes they even go so far as to start shuffling magi farther "east."

It happens every year. Every. Single. Year.
Evidently this is something akin to being a Grinch before his heart expands a bit. *gasp* Baby Jesus in the manger from the get-go! The horror!
And I don't know what I usually say, but it isn't this:

If baby Jesus isn't in the manger and the wisemen wait until Epiphany to get there... THEN...

Then why are Mary and Joseph there? Shouldn't they be traveling?

And if I remove Mary and Joseph too, then we've just got a nativity with shepherds milling about.
BUT WAIT!

If I'm planning to put wisemen in the nativity then there shouldn't even be any shepherds. Because if I have magi tucked away to make their grand entrance for Epiphany then we're going with Matthew's version of the nativity so it's a no-go on shepherds. And, actually, if that's the case, and I have a Matthean nativity scene then it isn't a manger scene at all! Matthew says magi visit the "house" (2:11). Hmmm... so if I'm going with wisemen then we ditch the entire manger gig all together. BUT...

But if I'm sticking with a Lucan nativity then we'll go with a manger scene... and instead toss the magi and bright star. BUT THEN the shepherds don't arrive until AFTER Jesus' birth so now we just have an empty barn. Except that people didn't have barns like we think of barns, they kept animals in little caves in the hillside so I've got to find a big rock and carve that out instead. SOOOOO...

So if baby Jesus isn't in the manger, and the wisemen are waiting until Epiphany, THEN why are Mary and Joseph not also on the road? Why are there shepherds milling about the manger scene? Who is making an appearance, shepherds or magi?! Should this all be taking place in a house or a small hill-side cave? AND WHY DOES MY NATIVITY HAVE A ZEBRA AND A GIRAFFE IN IT?!?!?!?!?!



gasp for air. gasp for air.
breathe.
breathe.

*evidently* I can't go for the "accuracy" of the timing of baby Jesus and the magi.

So, yeah, when you come to my house on December 6th, baby Jesus and all the gang (shepherds, magi, zebra, and giraffe) are all there in the very American Gothic style barn... just exactly as it happened so very long ago.

And if you ask me why baby Jesus isn't hidden away to be placed in the manger on December 25, I'll probably just laugh, and tell you that while I really don't care at all what other people do with their nativity scenes, mine just have to stay complete, because... to put it simply... I really overthink things.