Confession: clergy spouses crave community.
Confession: clergy spouses (at least I have found) seek community with one another.
Confession: clergy spouses fall into two camps. There are the whiners. And everyone else.
Well, that about sums up life as a clergy spouse. Now, bring me a slice of leftover wedding cake and some rum and let's call it a day.
What? You expect some sort of explanation of that? *sigh* Well, alright. I'll do my best.
Confession: clergy spouses crave community.
Well, don't we all? I believe that we (humanity) were created for community. God himself is a triune being who exists as community. Clergy spouses, I have found, often have a spoken desire for community. I don't think it is necessarily a different or deeper desire than that of anyone else, but, in my experience, it is articulated and intentionally sought after. Why this might be the case is open to more speculation and I have plenty of thoughts. Too many in fact to go into here. If you want to talk about it come over and we'll drink coffee or rum according to the time of day.
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| Chris' ordination to the deaconate June 2009 |
Confession: clergy spouses (at least I have found) seek community with one another.
This too, is open to speculation and I can only speak to my experience. However, thus far, in my six year tenure as a clergy spouse I have found that other spouses (of any denomination) perk up immediately when they hear about this particular role in my life. I think it has to do with understanding. Everyone wants to feel understood, right? Back to that whole craving community thing. Perhaps clergy spouses crave one another because we "get" each other in a way that others don't fully understand.
I recently became friends with a pastor's wife of a different denomination in town. She told me that I am the only pastor's spouse she knows and said this with an expression of deep relief on her face. I can't imagine what her life has been like until now. Her husband works for what most would call a mega-church. How has she not had anyone to call on days when her entire Sunday morning fell apart due to kids with fevers? Or kids getting too crazy in the pew? How alone has she felt on Sundays when friends have introduced her to new people as "the first lady" (ugh, never do that. We haaaatteeee that)? Who listens compassionately and then tells her to suck it up when her husband leaves tuck-ins to her because he has to head to the hospital? Who helps her laugh through the busy seasons and knows to leave packages of coffee and cookies on her doorstep when she's home alone during all of September, Advent, and Holy Week? Wait... why don't my friends know that?
Yeah, clergy spouses crave community as much as everyone else does. We find it in a variety of places. I am lucky enough to have a truly fabulous community in our church home. I am also lucky enough to have a great support network of spouses to call when (*ahem*) too many people ask me questions that require me to answer laughingly "I don't work here!"
People, seriously! I love you. I really do, but stop asking me these things. I never know! I don't work there!
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| Chris' ordination to the deaconate June 2009 |
Confession: clergy spouses fall into two camps. There are whiners. And everyone else.
Isn't this true of everything? I try to fall into the latter camp. One of my favorite friends in the spouse world has been a clergy spouse for 40 years or so. She and her husband married in their twenties and he is now near retirement. Their children are grown and have children of their own. Her attitude is this, "I choose to be happy." Now, isn't that a great outlook on life? Fabulous. She once spoke (spontaneously) at a spouse retreat (yes, we do that) about how her husband can be a bit of a work-a-holic. Truth be told, my husband is not a work-a-holic (thanks Chris, good job!) but all clergy family can sometimes feel like the church is an extra spouse. Anyway, she said that her husband works so much. Her words? "What am I gonna do? I can't change him. Lord knows I've tried! I'm not gonna divorce him. I love him. So, a long time ago I chose to be happy. So that's what I do. I choose to be happy."
Wow, typed out that sounds crazy and unhealthy. But I know her. And it isn't. It's awesome. She decided to accept the things she can't change for what they are and make changes in her own life accordingly. Instead of pouting that her husband was at work (which is sometimes super awkward, "What do you mean you're going to go bless someone dying?! I thought we were going to watch The Blacklist together!") she took on a life of her own. She made a life for herself and enjoys their life together. Certainly something for all spouses (of any occupations) to aspire.
I hear more coffee percolating so there is nothing in the world that is going to keep my hiney glued in this chair any longer.
Go in peace to love and serve the Lord!
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