Alfred Hitchcock Presents

As I was falling asleep the other night I found myself in that weird twilight zone somewhere between being awake and being asleep. I was asleep enough to feel like I was somewhere else entirely, but awake enough to know it was a memory and not a dream. Perhaps I had fallen into a pensieve? I was sitting in the front row of a packed theater. Sitting on either sides of me were my mom and siblings. My dad was on stage wearing... well... how can I best explain it?

My dad was dressed as Norman Bates dressed as Mother.

How's that for an unsettling image of the guy who tucks you in at night?

I vividly remember watching the performance. It was an Alfred Hitchcock Behind the Scenes kind of show in Disney World. Near the end of the show a bright light shone in the faces of me and my family and a camera cut to the four of us in the front row. Blinded by the light, we were surprised when Norman Bates suddenly appeared in front of us dressed in full Mother regalia and wielding a knife. I remember my family around me jumping in surprise and all of us laughing. I am sure that I initially jumped, but I remember instantly thinking, "That's not my Dad. They've switched him out" and sitting back into my chair. I remember knowing without a shadow of a doubt that while my dad would willingly dress as psychotic Norman Bates in front of a hundred people, he would not, even in jest, come after his family with a knife.

Yeah, my dad, he's a pretty cool dude.

If anyone ever wonders where I got my strong sense of family and insane sense of humor from... look no further than this guy:

 

He can also be held liable for my uncommonly strong love for caffeine, the Twilight Zone, and A Confederacy of Dunces. He's a man of many fine tastes if I do say so myself.