By Nils Morgan
Mommy is serving pizza for dinner?! It's your lucky day! Cram as much as that manna from heaven into your mouth as humanly possible. Your mouth is already full? Grab a piece and work to stuff it in there. Mommy will frown and say things like, "Nils, chew what's in your mouth" and other moronic phrases like that. Geeze, what do mothers know about pizza? Look down upon your tray like you are in a smart restaurant and it is the lobster pond. Carefully select another piece and gently pick it up between your fingers like the delicacy it is. Bring it up near your face, give your mother a wide pizza-filled grin, and then do your most impressive adorable dance as you sneak that next piece of pizza in there.
Speaking of delicacies, have you ever tried cat food? Or those cat scratching boxes? Mmmmmmmm boy. "If God dwells inside us, like some people say, I sure hope He likes catnip and cardboard, because that's what He's getting!"
If you go to Kroger chances are your mother will let you ride in one of the kids' car shopping carts. Woo!! Driving! Driving! Driving! When your big sister gets in next to you snuggle right into her. She will probably start screaming, "Nils is touching me!" at the top of her lungs and your mother will intervene. You'll get scooted over a tad, your sister will be reminded that it is okay for "they baby to touch her," and the cart car will start driving again. Wait just the right amount of time. You'll know when it's the right moment to do it again. Suggestions include but are not limited to the moment your mother picks up a gallon of milk in each hand or when the cart is stopped on an aisle of glass jars. When it's your moment, pounce on your sister again! Smother her with head snuggles and kisses. She'll freak out and jump out of the car. She'll insist on riding alone in the boring grocery basket part of the cart. The car will be all yours. Sweet success. Stretch your legs out across the seat and enjoy the ride.
OMG, that little face is Casey, Part Two.
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