Duncan Customary

My sister and bro-in-law's church just called a new rector (exciting!) and yesterday Trent sent me a post from the new rector's wife's blog. Feel free to reread that sentence a few times.

Okay, with me now?

Then my sister's husband's brother's cat had to go to the vet and the vet's son's mother in law... just kidding...

So, my sister's new rector's wife's blog was great. She explained what a Bishop's customary is - read it here - and created one for her family. Well, how could I not follow suit? Don't you want to make your family's customary too?!

So, without further a do (and yes, it is in fact a do, not adieu), I present to you:

THE DUNCAN FAMILY CUSTOMARY
{trumpeting music, trumpeting music, trumpeting music}

• Thanks for inviting us over! I hope your invitation was for an early time because we like to get our kids in bed around 7, and Casey falls asleep ("I'm not sleeping. I'm reading... err... I just had to rest my eyes for a moment") around 9. Sooooo... if your soiree starts at 9... count us out. Or be smart enough to bring Casey a starbucks coffee earlier that day.
• And speaking of coffee... don't serve Casey coffee. Chris will probably exile you from the church if you serve me coffee anytime after 3 pm and don't plan on staying up with me all night.
• Mmmmm.... coffee.... pardon me while I go refill my cup. Remember the days when I didn't drink caffiene? I call that "the world without Nils, a much drearier place indeed."
• Customary... back to the customary...
• We will bring a toddler to your home. And an infant. So expect some tears and tantrums. It will happen. Get over it.
• Do you have breakable items in your home? Hide them. Casey and Carolena were cut from the same cloth and tend to break things. Usually by accident.
• Please don't force us to be the ones to carry the entire conversation. It's much more fun if everyone participates. Really. If we have to do all of the talking the only things you are going to hear about church or Mount Everest. Although, recently I have also added Weight Watchers, Les Mills, the Little House books, and goblin sharks into my rotation as well. So, yeah, you might want to think of some other conversational topics if none of that interests you. Seriously. However, if any of those topics strikes your fancy, we can chat all night so bring out the coffee!
• As far as food goes, we like it. Food that is. 
• You should be aware that the Duncans DO drink alcoholic beverages. We're not so much wine drinkers (Casey because of migraines and Chris for no apparent reason) but give us some good beer, scotch, rum, or bourbon and we're happy campers.
• Speaking of rum, you probably need to know that Casey is part pirate.
• Not kidding on that pirate thing.
• Really, a pirate.
• Since Casey is a pirate don't sit by her if cuss words hurt your ears or the sight of someone drinking rum makes you nauseous or you abhor people who have a wooden peg leg and an eye patch. In fact, if any of those things bother you, just forget about inviting us over. Save yourself the agony and don't do it.