Social Stressing Network

My husband sometimes (kiddingly?) accuses me of being "anti-technology." I'm actually not anti-technology at all. I just don't want a Kindle as I perfer the tangible feel and smell of a book in my hands. I like to turn the pages. Books bring me comfort in a way that technology never could. Plus, screens bother whatever it is about me that is inherently "migrainey."

You should also know Fahrenheit 451 is one of my favorite books. It's a quick read if you've never picked it up and it will freak. you. out.

So, now that we've got all that out on the table, let me tell you the latest theory I have for which I am going to be accused of being "anti-technology" *even though I'm not.*

I think social-networking might be women kryptonite.

Women by nature are social creatures. We are pack animals. I look at my facebook page and who's active on it? Largely it's women. Women tend to have friends as men tend to look at us blankly when we say thinks to them like, "who can you lean on in this?" or "which of your friends can you call for advice?" or even "who do you want to invite to the party?" When it comes to social networking, we have Mark Zuckerberg to thank for invention, but we have women to thank for driving the bus.

And women, let's face it, we are freaking emotional beasts. So, as I see it, expanding our social network has become problematic.

Recently I encountered two different women stressed about the same thing: letting go. I spent time with a mom worried about Pre-K starting because "it's the last year she'll be at home. Next year is kkkinnnnddddergarten!!!" (and this is a mom I consider really down to earth). Then I got home to encounter a friend (well, actually "friends" plural but we'll stick to just the one in mind) on facebook who just dropped her firstborn off at college. And it occurred to me, these two particular women don't know one another, but each one of them is active on facebook. They are in totally different phases of life and yet they are feeding off of one another's anxieties.

Worried about your kid leaving for college? Escape to facebook. Brew a cup of coffee, turn on the computer, plop down that metaphorical suitcase full of problems you lug around, and hit up your homepage. And what will you find there? Other people's insecurities just waiting to feed into your own. You'll find photos of newborns swaddled safely in the arms of new mothers wearing hospital gowns. Scroll down your newsfeed as you see dad's playing tee-ball with their little ones, first day photos of every age, and... hey... all of your own child's newborn photos are just one or two little clicks away. See it... right there on the left... that little folder icon contains in it years of photographs just waiting for you to weepily reminisce. An hour or so social networking and your rolling suitcase of worry is a little bit heavier instead of lighter.

Or perhaps you're a young mother. Your child spends pretty much all of her time with you, breaking only to hop in and out of preschool a couple of times a week. You are emotionally worn thin as you sleep little and are needed constantly. Don't worry, facebook is a great escape. Plop down on the couch with a Diet Coke and your own metaphorical hiking backpack of worry and flip on over to facebook. Note the number of times older friends have commented on your child's photo saying things like, "Keep them this young forever!" and "It goes FAST! Savor it!" Scroll through your newsfeed and worry with all of the mothers in agony over sending their children off to college or even worse... kindergarden. You get up to leave the couch and swing that backpack full of worry back onto your shoulder. Did someone add a few rocks into it when you weren't looking?

Moms, what are we doing to ourselves? We are worriers by nature. Yes, it is good for us to worry about our kiddos. That's what keeps them from playing in traffic. But enough is enough. I don't need to be worried about sending my four year old to kindergarten, much less college. I need to be worried about keeping her alive and well today. Period.

I'm not lessening the validity of these worries. I think that worries over "leaving the nest" are incredibly valid. What I'm saying is that long long ago in a galaxy far far away before facebook women actually turned to one another for support and advice. They didn't have the internet. If they felt anxious and worried, they turned to their elders. Now, thanks to the beauty of social networking, the elders are the ones making us anxious. You young moms know what I'm talking about - the friend of your parent that is constantly getting on facebook and telling young moms they barely know to "savor it" or "stop time." Boomers, we love you but you're killing us here. You are adding little pebbles of worry into our baggage, little notes of anxiety telling us that life is better here where we are now than it is there, where we will someday be.

Don't get me wrong: I'm not saying that we shouldn't hide our concerns and fears or pretend they don't exist. I'm just saying that we need to be aware of the fact that facebook is a dumping ground for everyone else's stress and we don't need to pick up theirs. We don't have to delete our facebook accounts or hide from the internet. We just need to be careful to not add to everyone else's anxiety to our own.

Dumping your worry onto facebook doesn't make your worry go away. It makes everyone else anxious too. If you are worried about sending a kid off to college, invite over someone who has been there and done that and make them a cup of coffee. If you're stressed out over kindergarten, don't pour your anxiety over everyone who might also be anxious about that. Call a mom who has passed those days and pick her brain. Facebook is fun. It is social. But pouring out your anxiety on facebook doesn't rid your life of the anxiety, it just spreads it. Real life interactions with real life people, face to face or on the phone at least, that's what will alleviate some of your stress.

I can see all of this anxiety that facebook causes because I get sucked into it. But then I shake my head back into the present and remember that those are not my problems. I've got my own 1950s style clutch that I bring with my cup of coffee when I sign in to the internet, and it doesn't involve anxiety about college. Well, perhaps it does. But for now at least that folder is neatly labeled, fairly empty, and tucked in the back for later.