Fun Things

One of the fun things about seldom checking my email means when I do in fact check it I find interesting things like urgent reminders to renew my cars inspection tag (or whatever it is) right now!!! and to get my (unfortunately still over goal) rear end back into Weight Watchers before my online access expires and they start charging me again! Oh the horror! Why aren't the urgent emails waiting in my inbox things like Free latte right now!!? If THAT were the case I'd probably be better about paying attention to my email.

Chris rolls his eyes at me in open annoyance that I never know what's going on at church. "It was IN the EMAIL!" he says in exasperation. Yep. I'm sure that it was. But, as I like to remind him, I am taking the clergy family perks where they come. If I have to put up with him working smack dab in the middle of long weekends then I think it is my prerogative to ignore the email and instead roll over in bed and say, "hey, is there Sunday school tomorrow?" unless of course I'm teaching it...

We went to the beach again this weekend. It's the start to a great summer when we spend the first three days of it at the beach. I found three shark teeth, we saw a bazillion dolphin jumping out of the water, and we fed the seagulls from the ferry. We went to the strand and had lunch at Fisherman's Wharf aka the restaurant where Chris and I went on our first date. We had ice cream at La King's. I told the kids they could each have five dollars to pick out something on the Strand. C looked at necklaces and mermaids and all kinds of things and then settled on a squeaking rubber shark toy. Nils followed suit. Other highlights of the trip include (but are not limited to): Nils' constant quoting of the Country Bears "As soon as I find a ladder I'll be riiight up! mmm hmmm!," ukulele playing, C staying up late to play Ticket to Ride, and this gem...
As C and I went into separate stalls in a somewhat crowded bathroom at the Fisherman's Wharf she called out to me in a loud voice, "wow! I am SO going to clog this toilet!" What?! Of course the entire bathroom starting cracking up. I replied "TMI!" which got more laughter. Geeze.

Nuggets from Nils

Life sure is fun isn't it? If something strikes you as hilarious laugh out loud. Laugh, shake your head back and forth, and call out "so bunny! so bunny, Mommy, so bunny!"

Make ample use of the phrase "me too!" Refuse to be left out of anything. Ever. Another handy phrase is to call out "that me!" when watching tv or reading a book. Always cry out "that me!" when pointing to the funniest bunniest character of all.

There is nothing more exciting to look forward to about Disney World than riding that big train. Every once in a while cry out "ride train Disney World!" and cheer.

You know what matters very very much? What you're wearing. Refuse to wear pants as often as someone tries to make you wear them. Shirt options include and are limited to: fire truck, Kermit, "stripey stripe club" (a striped shirt), and shark. Pants when worn must be plaid or madras to resemble "choo choo tracks." Whenever possible wear Night-Night as a cape or over your entire head and make ghost noises.

Nuggets from Nils

Hanging out with Mommy is the best. Mommy likes to get up early, so you should too. Mommy thinks you are adorable so she'll always be willing to snuggle up with a pile of books and read to you. Grab a stack of books, a cup of milk, and Mommy's hand and head to her favorite chair for some quality reading time.

Not in the mood to read? Grab Crocodile Dentist and drag Mommy to her bed. Get snuggled up and snap snap snap! That thing is hilarious. Every once in a while yell, "your turn!" and shoot Mommy a smile. Let her push a couple of the teeth down... but then take it back. It's really the funniest if it chomps you.

Never eat meals if you can help it. In fact, let's back up... while Mommy is preparing meals you should cling to her legs and cry and whine. Then, when it's time to sit down and actually eat what she made... refuse. Simply refuse. It drives her bonkers.

Don't drink milk if you can drink chocolate milk. Ask for chocolate milk every few hours even though Mommy only lets you have it once in a blue moon. Who knows? Maybe next time she'll say yes!

Nuggets from Nils

Nuggets from Nils
by Nils

If you are innocently running around on top of the furniture and take a huge tumble onto the ground all of the adults nearby might gasp. Jump to your feet and scream, "SEE that?!?!" and then attempt to do it again. And again. And again. Each time try to make the fall bigger and scream, "SEE that?!" Expect praise and adulation for your daring and bravado. Mommy will probably scold you for treating her furniture so horrendously. Moms know nothing about spectacular falls.

The best way to eat cereal is with milk and a spoon resting casually in the bowl just for show. Insist on getting your own spoon (touch every utensil you can while the drawer is open) and then carefully arrange it in your milky cereal just so. Proceed to eat your cereal with only your fingers, slurping the milk with a cupped hand. Yum!

If you want to impress your friends SING. Sing loudly. Sing often. Make up words or hum if you can't remember the lyrics. Sing sing sing. Sing such happy songs that your teachers write in "singing" on your comment cards even though singing isn't on the list.

Rely on your cuteness to get you out of trouble. Carolena insists that you should rely on sass. She's wrong. Cuteness is the key. Get out of bed after being tucked in and walk straight up to Mommy. She'll stare you down. Shoot her a "gee, aren't I cute?" kind of smile and a shrug. She's wrapped around your finger. You know she thinks you're adorable. Actually... that frown is kind of scary... and now she's using the stern serious Mommy-voice... ahhh! Run away! Run away! Bed is better! Bed is better! Whew, okay. Neither sass nor cuteness work... back to the drawing board.

Mamma Mia, Here {They} Go Again

Me: "Hey, what are some of your sight-words at school?"
Carolena: "umm... let's see... earrings. And eyepatch."
Me: "Earrings and eye-patch? Those are your sight words. Are you in pirate school?"
Carolena: "Yyeepp."

And then there's Nils, who spent the morning singing "Oatmeal Mia" to the tune of Mamma Mia as he munched on his breakfast.

Dear Nils,

Seriously?
Love,
Mommy

Nuggets from Nils

If you go to bed late, be sure to get up all the earlier the next morning. You have to make up for the lost sleep by getting up earlier. Wait... that doesn't seem right... hmmm... x3... carry the 1... hmm... well, just take my word for it. If you go to bed late, then get up early.

 If you find a tiara on the ground or in the toy box, wear it.

If you are fortunate enough to go to the rodeo, kick up your heals and enjoy it. Literally, just kick off your one pair of shoes that fit and toss them to the wind. Be sure to toss them when no one's looking so that they can't be retrieved. Eat the greasy delicacies. Smile and call out to the baby chicks and pigs and animals in the petting zoo. Cheer for your sister as she zooms by on carnival rides. Tell your mother that you really think you should get to ride as well. She'll point out that the signs say you have to be two. Hmph. TWO. What do those signs know about second children?!

Nuggets from Nils

Don't get left out. Of anything. Ever.

Clean up after yourself.

Always be willing to help out with the laundry.

After trapping your older sister in a laundry basket a sweet smile goes a long way.

The Wonderful Adventures of Nils

The Wonderful Adventures of Nils
By Nils

No one should be a bigger cheerleader for you than you are for yourself. When you get to where you are going, clap. Clap loudly and look around encouraging others to clap for you as well.

Crayons... mmmm boy! Have you ever tasted those things?! I just can't get enough of 'em!

Cats. Ha! They crack me up. Who wouldn't want to squeal in those fury little faces?

You know what's more fun than cats? Mommy. I like to scream in her face too. She screams back in the same pitch. It's hilarious! But... you know what's more fun than Mommy? Daddy. Man, that guy is just the best. The best.

The Wonderful Adventures of Nils

The Wonderful Adventures of Nils
By Nils

Why does Mommy always pick things up that should be on the floor? Sippy cups full of water, spoons covered in yogurt, large handfulls of oatmeal... these things belong on the kitchen floor. I put them there with great intention. Why does she keep giving them back to me?!

Mommies don't know anything about refined palates. What she sees as stray bits of cardboard from the cats' scratching boards, I see as delicacies. 

A coy smile can get you places. Scramble over to the dvds and take a gander. Is the door unlocked? Open it. Pull out every dvd you can reach. Pull them out in a frenzy, and try to get every single one onto the floor before Mommy comes over. If Mommy notices you at any point during this foray, utilize that coy smile and glint in your eyes to charm her into letting you play. If you get to the dvds and the door happens to be locked, wail in misery and bang against it like it was your last chance at freedom.

Nuggets from Nils

Nuggets from Nils
By Nils Morgan

Mommy is serving pizza for dinner?! It's your lucky day! Cram as much as that manna from heaven into your mouth as humanly possible. Your mouth is already full? Grab a piece and work to stuff it in there. Mommy will frown and say things like, "Nils, chew what's in your mouth" and other moronic phrases like that. Geeze, what do mothers know about pizza? Look down upon your tray like you are in a smart restaurant and it is the lobster pond. Carefully select another piece and gently pick it up between your fingers like the delicacy it is. Bring it up near your face, give your mother a wide pizza-filled grin, and then do your most impressive adorable dance as you sneak that next piece of pizza in there.

Speaking of delicacies, have you ever tried cat food? Or those cat scratching boxes? Mmmmmmmm boy. "If God dwells inside us, like some people say, I sure hope He likes catnip and cardboard, because that's what He's getting!"

If you go to Kroger chances are your mother will let you ride in one of the kids' car shopping carts. Woo!! Driving! Driving! Driving! When your big sister gets in next to you snuggle right into her. She will probably start screaming, "Nils is touching me!" at the top of her lungs and your mother will intervene. You'll get scooted over a tad, your sister will be reminded that it is okay for "they baby to touch her," and the cart car will start driving again. Wait just the right amount of time. You'll know when it's the right moment to do it again. Suggestions include but are not limited to the moment your mother picks up a gallon of milk in each hand or when the cart is stopped on an aisle of glass jars. When it's your moment, pounce on your sister again! Smother her with head snuggles and kisses. She'll freak out and jump out of the car. She'll insist on riding alone in the boring grocery basket part of the cart. The car will be all yours. Sweet success. Stretch your legs out across the seat and enjoy the ride.

Nuggets from Nils

Nuggets from Nils
By Nils Morgan

Carolena is hilarious. Mommy and Daddy are always trying to get a laugh, but let's face it, they aren't that funny. Give them a courtesy smile for their efforts and then scan the room for Carolena. She's the one to watch!

Mommy ruined the cloth diapers. Ugh! MOMMMMYYY. That is so annoying. The cloth diapers were way more comfortable and, before she ruined them, never leaked. The disposables are miserable because they are so easy to fill. Encourage Mommy to get on the ball when it comes to fixing the cloth diapers... have what Mommy calls a "big summer blowout" every time you poop in the disposables. Maybe that will inspire her to waterproof those diapers!

If someone mentions your cloth diapers, cry. Crumple your face into the saddest but cutest face in the world and just wail. If someone mentions that they are holding you so that Mommy can "take a break," wail. Make the most pathetic face in the world and just scream. People will appreciate your good comedic timing.