Nuggets from Nils

Life sure is fun isn't it? If something strikes you as hilarious laugh out loud. Laugh, shake your head back and forth, and call out "so bunny! so bunny, Mommy, so bunny!"

Make ample use of the phrase "me too!" Refuse to be left out of anything. Ever. Another handy phrase is to call out "that me!" when watching tv or reading a book. Always cry out "that me!" when pointing to the funniest bunniest character of all.

There is nothing more exciting to look forward to about Disney World than riding that big train. Every once in a while cry out "ride train Disney World!" and cheer.

You know what matters very very much? What you're wearing. Refuse to wear pants as often as someone tries to make you wear them. Shirt options include and are limited to: fire truck, Kermit, "stripey stripe club" (a striped shirt), and shark. Pants when worn must be plaid or madras to resemble "choo choo tracks." Whenever possible wear Night-Night as a cape or over your entire head and make ghost noises.

Even Tough Girls Have Tough Days

I'm still trying to clean out the nightmare basket in the kitchen, and this morning I found this scratched in Sharpie across a torn piece of notebook paper (from December 2015):

C: "*sigh* Sometimes even tough girls can have tough days."

Me: "That is so true. Who says that?"

C: "Me."

Yes, even tough girls can sometimes have tough days. Yesterday was a tough afternoon for mainly reasons of my own bad mood funk. I got home from church and fed kids lunch and settled them into beds for naps/rests and then I looked around our house as if seeing for the first time all of the things staring back at me... laundry piled for washing, floor crying out for a mop, crap everywhere piling up ready to be sorted for Goodwill... and I promptly put on pajamas and sank onto the couch with some popcorn. It was just that kind of day.

Luckily, we had already accepted an invitation to a parishioner's farm for dinner. The fun of being out in the country and watching C&N pet the horses and startle the chickens and generally run amok got me right out of my funk. Turns out that was all I needed.

I awoke to a better day! Somehow I got a ton of stuff done today including but not limited to purchasing a new (to me) shirt from Goodwill for 5 bucks and coming home to google it and finding out it is on sale right now for $60. Score! And also... who spends $60 on a sleeveless shirt?!

I worked out, ran some errands, did a ton of laundry, got everything in order to register C for Kindergarten, and even managed all of it on one less cup of coffee than yesterday. I call that an all-round win. I've realized giving myself really small increments of time in which to do something is a sure way to get something done. So, for instance, today I put a bag of edamame in the micro, hit 5 minutes, and told myself I couldn't have any until I was showered and the phone call on the to-do list was made. Somehow I did it. Short hair for the win!

Sometimes even tough girls have tough days. Today the tough girl won out. Here's hoping tomorrow is just as great.

How to Clean Your House With Kids

I saw a website recently that had printable instructions on how to clean your house. Like, a step-by-step checklist to get your house clean.

The first step was to "pick up everything in every room."

Clearly this author doesn't have small children. I nearly snorted coffee out of my nose reading her instructions. If I cleaned my house by that list it would NEVER be clean. Ever. There is no point in picking up toys. Children see a clean room not as a clean room but as an opportunity. A clean room is like a blank canvas.

Here are my rules for cleaning a house if you have small children:

Step One: Invite someone over. This step is crucial as it will give you a deadline and purpose.
Step Two: Clean the master bedroom. This should take about 5 minutes regardless of how messy it is. Put away any laundry stacked up on the dresser. Shove all shoes back into the closet. Make the bed. Vacuum. Dust. Done. Close the master bedroom door and forbid anyone from entering on penalty of death. Or worse, penalty of lost gummies.
Step Three: Clean the dining room. Put away the stacks of laundry covering the table. Wipe it down. Floors will be done later.
Step Four: Kitchen. Put away everything strewn all over the counters. Anything that doesn't have a home should be shoved into a basket for later organization. You know, the basket full of papers from 2014. Wipe the cabinets. Wipe the counters. Leave floors for later.
Step Five: Living room. Get out the vacuum and pick up as you go. The vacuum is essential to this process as children believe it will eat toys and they will screech and scream and run in front of you "saving their toys" aka cleaning up the living room.
Step Six: Floors. Vacuum the entire house with the Step Five method. Mop tile floors.
Step Seven: Twenty minutes before guests arrive remember you have not yet cleaned the bathroom. Run through that sucker as quickly as possible. Don't try to clean the bathroom before then... the kids will just go in and brush their teeth (how does so much toothpaste get on the counter?!). Always leave the bathroom for last.

Badda Bing Badda Boom. Clean house in 7 simple steps.

Optional Step 8: think to oneself "hm. perhaps I should dust..." (said the woman with a major dust allergy) and wander around the house with a damp cloth during that weird interim when waiting for guests to arrive. Remember that it's been a while since cleaning the master bathroom and make a mental note to do that at some point in the future.

Yes, this is really how our house gets clean. Stay tuned for tips on how to declutter.

Okay, here it is: one step to declutter...
Don't let empty diaper boxes leave your house unless they are full of stuff to drop off at Goodwill. I never recycle those big boxes. I put them on my dresser and slowly (or not so slowly) fill them with stuff to get rid of. Voila! Constantly decluttering.

Nuggets from Nils

Nuggets from Nils
by Nils

If you are innocently running around on top of the furniture and take a huge tumble onto the ground all of the adults nearby might gasp. Jump to your feet and scream, "SEE that?!?!" and then attempt to do it again. And again. And again. Each time try to make the fall bigger and scream, "SEE that?!" Expect praise and adulation for your daring and bravado. Mommy will probably scold you for treating her furniture so horrendously. Moms know nothing about spectacular falls.

The best way to eat cereal is with milk and a spoon resting casually in the bowl just for show. Insist on getting your own spoon (touch every utensil you can while the drawer is open) and then carefully arrange it in your milky cereal just so. Proceed to eat your cereal with only your fingers, slurping the milk with a cupped hand. Yum!

If you want to impress your friends SING. Sing loudly. Sing often. Make up words or hum if you can't remember the lyrics. Sing sing sing. Sing such happy songs that your teachers write in "singing" on your comment cards even though singing isn't on the list.

Rely on your cuteness to get you out of trouble. Carolena insists that you should rely on sass. She's wrong. Cuteness is the key. Get out of bed after being tucked in and walk straight up to Mommy. She'll stare you down. Shoot her a "gee, aren't I cute?" kind of smile and a shrug. She's wrapped around your finger. You know she thinks you're adorable. Actually... that frown is kind of scary... and now she's using the stern serious Mommy-voice... ahhh! Run away! Run away! Bed is better! Bed is better! Whew, okay. Neither sass nor cuteness work... back to the drawing board.

Nuggets from Nils

If you go to bed late, be sure to get up all the earlier the next morning. You have to make up for the lost sleep by getting up earlier. Wait... that doesn't seem right... hmmm... x3... carry the 1... hmm... well, just take my word for it. If you go to bed late, then get up early.

 If you find a tiara on the ground or in the toy box, wear it.

If you are fortunate enough to go to the rodeo, kick up your heals and enjoy it. Literally, just kick off your one pair of shoes that fit and toss them to the wind. Be sure to toss them when no one's looking so that they can't be retrieved. Eat the greasy delicacies. Smile and call out to the baby chicks and pigs and animals in the petting zoo. Cheer for your sister as she zooms by on carnival rides. Tell your mother that you really think you should get to ride as well. She'll point out that the signs say you have to be two. Hmph. TWO. What do those signs know about second children?!

W.O.W.

Words of Wisdom
By Carolena

If you have a cold, cough. Cough often. Cough on everything. See that tv over there with Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer playing on it? Cough on the Bumble. See the serving bowl full of mashed potatoes on the table? Cough on that too. Daddy's eye? Yep, you guessed it: cough. Little brother innocently playing nearby? Cough. Cough. Cough.

If you have a cough, throw up. Nothing says, "I'm miserable and need more sympathy" like throwing up in your own bed from coughing too much.

Wove and Mawwiage

I think the key to a healthy marriage is forgiveness.

Clearly you should take my word for it, I've been married all of 8.5 years.

Seriously though, it's forgiveness.

Sometimes you have to forgive your husband for telling the pregnant woman that you said you already could tell she was pregnant. I thought I'd said that in private.

Sometimes you have to forgive your wife for getting rid of your expensive comfortable desk chair because "it was ugly." I was young and stupid.

Sometimes you have to forgive your husband for undercooking her steak. I need to drink more wine before I eat something that can still moo.

Sometimes you have to forgive your wife for calling you and saying, "dinner is a huge burned mess please come home with pizza." Heh, yeahh...

Sometimes you have to forgive your husband for repeatedly leaving his clothes on the bathtub ledge.
Sometimes you have to forgive your wife for repeatedly leaving her clothes anywhere she damn well pleases.

Sometimes you have to forgive your wife for blogging about you.

Wove and Mawwiage... forgiveness is the key.

Is There a Doctor in the House?

This morning as Chris was leaving for work he stopped to say this:
"If your dermatologist turns out to be a handsome Scandinavian man again, please let him look at your body this time instead of just giggling and letting him only examine your face and arms."

My husband just told me to take my clothes off for gorgeous Scandinavians with names like Dr. Handsome.

Deal.

Here's hoping my new dermatologist has a sub in the office today!

*This is officially the least "becoming Leona" thing I've ever posted.

Coffee or Wine? A Mom’s Guide to Drinking on the Job

Situation One: That Smell 

You come home to a smell. A smell. A smell that can only mean there is a dirty diaper shoved under the couch, raw meat forgotten in a grocery bag, or possibly a dead racoon in your bed.

-          You find the source of the smell.

o   It’s alive.

§  Drink caffeine. Start the percolator and look up the number of an exterminator. Grab the kids, grab your coffee, and hide from the smelly thing living in your house.

o   It’s not alive.

§  Throw it away… preferably in the neighbor’s trashcan when they aren’t looking. Then Febreeze the hell out of your couch and reward yourself by lying down with a glass of wine.

-          You can’t find the source of the smell.

o   Ah! Where the hell is it coming from?! Empty all of the trashcans and scoop the litterbox. Then, give up, light some pumpkin spice candles, and open a bottle of wine.  

Situation Two: Feminine Mystique  

You suddenly realize it’s been an insanely unacceptable number of days since you last bathed. You glance in the mirror and notice that your hair is now made up with what appears to be an accumulation of baby spit up, oatmeal, and... is that last night's dental floss??

-          It’s 10 am

o   Remove floss, put on a hat, choose coffee.

-          It’s 10 pm

o   Bubble bath with wine and a good book. STAT.

Situation Three: Who needs sleep?

The baby is supposed to be sleeping. She has a full tummy, a clean diaper, and has been sung to and snuggled and rocked. All of these things are true and she is still screaming. There appears to be nothing wrong and you are at your wit's end.

-     It’s bedtime 

      o   Place the baby in the crib, tell her you love her, and leave. She won’t hurt himself crying. Turn up some jazz music, go to the other side of your house, and open a bottle of wine. Check on the baby in a little while.

-      It’s naptime.

o   Damn girl. That sucks. It's going to be a long day. Coffee. Choose strong coffee.

Situation Four: The Cement Mixer

You forgot the golden rule of kitchen cleanup and allowed oatmeal to dry on your floor, chair, table, and ceiling.

-          It’s 10 am

o   Start the coffee. And you might as well heat up some water while you're at it. You'll need some scalding hot water to tackle that shit.

-          It’s 10 pm

o   Grab a bottle of wine and turn off the kitchen light. Let tomorrow deal with tomorrow. That's Gospel. Err... kind of.

Situation Five: It’s a Bird! It’s a Plane! It’s Supermom!

You had a perfect put-Mary-Poppins-to-shame kind of day. No tears were shed, no diapers were blowouts, all food eaten was healthy. No one threw a tantrum, you went grocery shopping and made dinner. Kids went to bed easily and on time. There was not one mishap or Plan B needed.

-          This really happened.

o   Congratulations! You are a world class bullshitter. You even convinced yourself! Reward yourself for being such a great liar by opening a bottle of wine. Unless of course you’ve been drinking wine already, which would explain your ability to believe this actually happened, in which case... perhaps brew some coffee.

               -           This didn’t really happen.

o   Yep, that sounds about right. Find something single malt. Or rum. Even Mary Poppins got some rum punch at the end of the day. It was the rum that kept her from completely losing her shit.

W.O.W.

Words of Wisdom
By Carolena

Every time Mommy asks you to tell someone "your news" scream out as loud as you can, "I poop on the potty now!" All of the adults will suppress giggles and commend you on your accomplishment. Mommy will probably remind you of some other boring more current "news" that she expected you to share. Hmph. Mommies. What do they know about news?

Poop on the potty. But poop in your panties as often as you feel like it. Mommy will wash them anyway, and it's good to keep her on her toes.

Sometimes, just every so often, push your younger sibling down. Wait until the prime moment when he is crawling or cruising by and then BAM! knock that guy over. Send him rolling. Do this just often enough to remind everyone of who the real boss is around here.

W.O.W.

Words of Wisdom
By Carolena

Moms prefer to start the day by jumping out of bed in a panic. It really helps to get their blood flowing. Screeching "There's a lizard on my pillow!" or climbing on top of Mommy while she's still snoozing to announce, "there's blood on my finger" are two great ways to help your mom start her day on the right foot.
*Mommy note: There was in fact an anole on her pillow. The blood turned out to be a booger. Awesome.

If you need something done by an adult order Mommy to do it. "Open this for me," "Give me that," and "Wipe my hiney" are great examples of how to speak to moms. Mommy will probably respond with some asinine comment about how she can't hear you when you speak like that. She will insist that she can only hear and respond accordingly to things asked politely. She wants you to say things like "Mommy, will you please open this for me?" I think deep down Mommy actually believes she will win out on this and that eventually she won't be bossed around by her children. Mommy thinks that someday her persistence will be rewarded with you asking politely the first time instead of demanding what is rightfully yours! Aw, isn't that cute?

Mommies like to multitask. For instance, if Mommy is nursing the baby that is a great time to bring her your shoes and socks. Even though you know how to put them on by yourself, throw a tantrum and insist that Mommy do it for you. Ugh, it's not like she's actually having to do anything while the baby is eating. When Mommy is tying your shoes and the baby is distractedly eating while watching you get dressed you'll know that's the prime moment to tell her you need help to go to the bathroom.

The Gospel According to Dooney

When I was in the fifth grade Dooney and Bourke purses were a big deal. I mean, a big deal in the way that young girls can make a purse a big deal: you had one or you didn't. You were in or you were out. Auf wiedersehen. Pack up your things and go. Out.

Who the hell gives a fifth grader a couple hundred dollar purse?! 

I, of course, did not own a D&B purse. I was not a stage five clinger to the cool kids, but I did envy their obviously expensive and beautiful purses. I was wise enough to know, however, that there was no way in hell my parents were going to buy me one and carefully selected a twenty dollar knockoff bought with my own money on an outing to Baker's shoes. I was happy with my enormous blue purse and filled it with all of the important things that go into a fifth grader's purse: a brush, chapstick, and school supplies.

Then, one day, it happened. My aunt gifted me her old Dooney and Burke purse. It wasn't like all of the other girls' purses: it was an older model with a few miles on it, but it still ran beautifully. I could barely contain my excitement. I couldn't stop staring at it. This purse wasn't just a purse. It was a key to a whole new level of cool. I was in.

I remember bringing my new purse to school the next day. I slung my overladen backpack onto one shoulder (because wearing it on both shoulders was a major faux pas second only to tucking your sweatshirt into your underwear). I carefully placed the purse across my body from one shoulder. There. Perfect. I spent the whole day at school carefully unzipping and reclosing my new purse in order to maximize its coolness potential. Oh, you need to borrow a pencil? Here, just let me open my Dooooonnneeey.

Later on that afternoon in the carpool line (who buys a couple hundred dollar purse for kids young enough to be in a carpool line?!) I overheard some of the 'cool' girls talking. A few down the nose glances were pitched my way. A few not so hidden sneers at my purse. And that's when it really hit me in a life changing way: all that shit doesn't matter. 

I glanced down at my prized possession seeing it with new eyes. That traitor. Purse, I was told you would make me cool, what the hell happened back there?! I knew deep down in my gut that it wasn't the purse that was the problem. It wasn't me that was the problem. It was then that I fully realized in a life-altering way that what my parents had always been teaching me was true. I just had to be myself. If I tried keeping up with the Joneses, I would spend my whole life just pedaling to keep up. I like me. Why the hell shouldn't other people like me? I like me. So who even cares if other people like me?

Yesterday I went to a parents' orientation at C's school. I clearly stood out from the other moms in the classroom. My pineapple tee, blue suede shoes, old man glasses, and purse made from a leftover bit of a man's Turkish turban (how cool is that?!) clearly set me apart as different from the other moms. I felt like Olivia, "Why do they all want to be the same?" All of the other moms appeared to have been cut from the same cloth. I remember them as merely a blur of big hair and matching bedazzled purses. I felt good in my outfit, happy I'd chosen something that I like regardless of it's cool factor. 

At the reception I entered the room only to find that everyone was already grouped. I didn't recognize one face in the room. Had Luke Brandon been there with his parents I would have rushed over and thanked him for loaning me the 20 quid, but alas, not one familiar face was to be found. I stood on the edge a few minutes, considered hitting up the dessert table just for something to do, and then retreated to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror and Kellyed* myself up: I stood up a little straighter, ran my fingers through my hair, and reapplied my lipstick. I marched out of the bathroom ready to make some friends and headed straight back toward the reception.

And then I thought, "aw screw em," plopped down on a nearby bench, pulled out my knitting, and enjoyed watching the rain.





*The use of Kelly's name as a verb meaning, basically, to pull yourself up by the bootstraps. To look in the mirror, like who you see, and expect other people to like you too.

W.O.W.

Words of Wisdom
By Carolena

Start each day as a baby animal. Always. Each morning when you wake up, check to see if the alien is awake and then scramble out of bed. Grab your whoppie frog and Howie and head to the kitchen to see if Mommy is already awake. Say to her, "The alien is awake. I'm a baby chipmunk" or wombat, or kangaroo, or monkey, or... well, you get the gist. The key to this game is that Mommy must agree to be the mommy animal. If she tries to pull some shenanigans in which she is a different animal or just mommy, don't put up with that nonsense and call her the mommy animal name anyway.

Sometimes, it's advisable to branch out from baby animals. Spend an afternoon calling your mother "Grandma" and insist that she call you Olga. Olga, your "big girl name." Duh. Ask "Grandma" to ask you how old you are and when she does reply, "forty."

Time spent reading is time well spent. Time playing with small animals is time well spent. An entire afternoon doing both? Heavenly.

W.O. W. Swim School Edition

Words of Wisdom: Swim School Edition
By Carolena

There will come a time when you parents will start talking about "swim lessons" or "swim school." School? That sounds fun! But... don't be fooled... swim lessons are evil.

The first day will seem exciting. Put on your swimsuit and sunscreen and head out the door! Woo! Drive to the Y and lead the way out to the pool. Oh what fun this will be! Meet your teacher and join the kids. Swim lessons! Hooray!

Get in the water.
Swim lessons?
Put your face in the water.
Swimmm lesssonsss?
Lie on your back in the water.
Swim lessons! Noooooo!!!!

Beginning on the second day you should fight tooth and nail against swim school. ("School" hmph. School is fun. This is not.) Each morning give your mother a reason that you should stay home. Don't actually ask to stay home. Instead, casually throw the reasons into your morning conversation. "I'm really tired" and "my foot hurts" are two great examples.

When your mother insists that you go to the pool, go along with it. For now. Put on your suit and politely ask that sunscreen be applied once you get there. Remind her that you'll want a snack after the lesson. Get in the car. Go through all of the motions... until it's time to get in the pool. Then, pull out the big guns. Scream, cry, fight! Kick at your teacher! Scratch at your teacher! Persevere!

At the end of each lesson, return to your mother with a smile on your face and boast to her about your accomplishments. She will shower you with love and attention and compliments. Bask in your glory as an Olympian.

Later in the afternoon get in the backyard kid pool and show your mother some of your new moves. Teach her how to swim. Back inside, gather stuffed animals and pretend that you are the lifeguard and you are teaching them to swim. Perhaps your mother will be amazed by your swimming abilities and not send you back. Although, that swim teacher is pretty great. Casually mention to your mother that you might like to call him sometime. She'll probably reply that we don't call older boys... and that we're the kind of girls that get calls from boys, we don't call them... hmm. So, if you can't call Mr. Brandon, perhaps going to swim lessons the next morning is a good idea after all.

Nope. It's not.

Continue to fight swim lessons until the last day. On the last day, smile, go to your class willingly, be kind to your teacher, enjoy the water, and give your mother a taste of what might have been.

Note from Nils: Swim lessons are hot. Just snooze. Or eat. Or eat and then snooze. Yes, that last option is always the way to go.

W.O.W.

Words of Wisdom
By Carolena

In the mornings Mommy likes to let you know what's  on the schedule for the rest of the day. If she tells you that you are going to go to a "Waist Watchers" meeting and then to Moom's house respond with a hearty, "That sounds fun! But first, I need a drink."

The term "nap" has a fairly loose definition. For me, that just means stay in my room. Mommy insists that it means to stay in bed either sleeping or reading books or quietly playing. It's far better to spend naptime relaxing in a "cubby" underneath the bed, lying sprawled across the dresser, or standing on the window sill.

Nothing is better than hanging out with other kids. If you go to the park, or the pool, or the beach, or even the grocery store and see someone around your age just scream out, "Guys! I'm here!! I'm Carolena!" Kids. They're awesome.

W.O.W

Words of Wisdom
By Carolena

Heading out to a restaurant for dinner? Be sure to go prepared. Don't bother Mommy with the details. You are a big girl now and can take care of these things on your own. When you arrive at the restaurant Mommy will probably only then notice that you brought your backpack. She'll ask you what's in it. Reply simply, "my wombat." Duh. What else would you have packed for a dinner out on the town?

Listen to "Frozen music" as often as possible. And don't forget to sing it at the top of your lungs. When you hear the line "all my life has been a series of doors in my face" look at Mommy with a shocked look on your face and in your highest pitch possible scream, "Dwarfs?! They're like Snow White!" Hahaa... "all my life has been a series of dwarfs in my face..." yep, that is just like Snow White.

Did you know that the ability to open doors leads to an entirely new sense of freedom?! Why hadn't I ever realized this before now?!?! I've been able to open doors for quite some time but only recently did it occur to me that this (quite literally) opens new doors in my world. Why stay in your room when you could be out and about in the house? Why stay inside when you could try the garage door? Mommy and Daddy now put those pesky white thingies on a few of the doors. Hmph. They're no fun.

W.O.W

Words of Wisdom
By Carolena

If you are working on arts & crafts with Mommy and discover that you can now draw circles, spend time utilizing your new skill. Draw circle upon circle upon circle in a variety of colors creating a beautiful rainbow of spirals across the page. Then, tell Mommy that it's, "for my birthday. When I'm 12" and ask her to drive to Kroger to get an envelope and a stamp to mail it to "Carolena for her birthday. When I'm 12."

If your mother ever piles things on the dining room table, watch out. Those things seem to get put into boxes and those boxes disappear forever. Most likely they go to Moom and Jimmer's favorite store, Goodwill. Sneak things out of the dining room and back into your toy bins any time you see the telltale signs. Who cares if it's outgrown or unused? It's yours darn it!

Why take a nap when you can bounce around in bed singing "Don't Worry Be Happy" at the top of your lungs?

Need to get a laugh out of your mom? "Hi. I'm Olaf. I like warm hugs" will usually do the trick.

W.O.W.

Words of Wisdom
By Carolena

At a loss for what to say next? Simply sing out, "Jungle Beach! Cha-cha-cha!"

Help Mommy get ready in the mornings. As she brushes her hair and puts on makeup, sit on the floor and riffle through all of her toiletries. Put on jewelry, try out any and all makeup and lotion, and generally make yourself at home. When you are ready to go, gather the stuffed animals who have joined you and announce to Mommy, "We gotta go. The party's over. See you next time!"

Baby ducks at the library pond?! What could be better than that?! Go as close to them as your mommy and the duck mommy will allow, reach out your hand to them, and call out, "Here baby ducks! Get in my hand! Right here... in my hand!" The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

W.O.W

Words of Wisdom
By Carolena

Have you ever tasted glue? Man, that stuff is delicious. Why doesn't Mommy ever serve glue for dinner? Hmm... perhaps she just doesn't know how good it tastes.

If you are big enough to push one of the "little tiny baby carts" at the grocery store then you should definitely be in charge of selecting and carting the groceries. Insist that Mommy leave the big cart behind. Push the small cart around the store, and while pushing be sure to take in all of the beautiful scenery. Why look straight ahead? Straight ahead isn't interesting! Besides, Mommy's ankles will stop your cart whenever it's necessary to stop. So go ahead and push that little buggy as fast as you can and stop only if you bounce into Mommy's ankles! Hmm... I wonder how many times she can get hit before she completely loses her mind...

How to explain the circle of life: "The snake hit the car and then Mommy throw the snake in the grass and the snake's body becomes dirt and that's circle of life. We listen to snake song now?"

W.O.W.

Words of Wisdom
By Carolena

Onion rings are so passe. Onion bracelets are all the rage these days. Just ask your mother to serve you some sliced onions with your dinner (because duh, what toddler doesn't love to eat raw onion?). Pull apart the rings, place the delicate bangles upon your wrist, and hold out your arm for all to admire.

Spend time being "a little baby rabbit." Actually, lots of time. In fact, don bunny ears when necessary, announce to anyone who will listen, "I'm a little baby rabbit," and just for good measure (and great health) eat lettuce leaves for breakfast.