Nuggets from Nils

Nuggets from Nils
by Nils

If you are innocently running around on top of the furniture and take a huge tumble onto the ground all of the adults nearby might gasp. Jump to your feet and scream, "SEE that?!?!" and then attempt to do it again. And again. And again. Each time try to make the fall bigger and scream, "SEE that?!" Expect praise and adulation for your daring and bravado. Mommy will probably scold you for treating her furniture so horrendously. Moms know nothing about spectacular falls.

The best way to eat cereal is with milk and a spoon resting casually in the bowl just for show. Insist on getting your own spoon (touch every utensil you can while the drawer is open) and then carefully arrange it in your milky cereal just so. Proceed to eat your cereal with only your fingers, slurping the milk with a cupped hand. Yum!

If you want to impress your friends SING. Sing loudly. Sing often. Make up words or hum if you can't remember the lyrics. Sing sing sing. Sing such happy songs that your teachers write in "singing" on your comment cards even though singing isn't on the list.

Rely on your cuteness to get you out of trouble. Carolena insists that you should rely on sass. She's wrong. Cuteness is the key. Get out of bed after being tucked in and walk straight up to Mommy. She'll stare you down. Shoot her a "gee, aren't I cute?" kind of smile and a shrug. She's wrapped around your finger. You know she thinks you're adorable. Actually... that frown is kind of scary... and now she's using the stern serious Mommy-voice... ahhh! Run away! Run away! Bed is better! Bed is better! Whew, okay. Neither sass nor cuteness work... back to the drawing board.