It's Coming

Summer has been the last thing on my mind... until a few days ago. It hit me like a ton of bricks (or a random hot humid day) that summer vacation is nearly here. So I'm making our summer plans. Here they are: have fun.

That's it. Fun.

I'm not signing up for a bunch of events and classes and camps. I signed C up for swim lessons. That's it. We'll visit Chris when he's at camp. We'll go to the beach. We'll play at the splashpad and meet up with friends from our neighborhood. I'm hoping to have friends over frequently to play and eat. I want a summer of kids in the pool and adults on the deck with a cold drink. I want an icebox cake in the fridge, watermelon running down people's chins, and Chris standing at the grill. That sounds like summer.

I want long days at the beach. Kids in the surf and on the slip n slide. More watermelon. More cook outs. Crab boils and croquet. Boat rides. Yes, summer days at the beach sound just fine.

I'm squirreling away new craft supplies and projects. We'll go to the library. Maybe we'll take a roadtrip.

Summer days are coming. I can't wait!

Best Buds

Nils has really moved his way up on the fun-ness scale when it comes to playing with Carolena. I recently managed to see (without her noticing my presence) Carolena toss her arm around his shoulders and exclaim, "Nils, you're my best bud! Did you know that?! You're my best bud!" I think my old grinch heart grew three sizes that day.

All Aboard!

Yesterday afternoon Carolena and Nils started playing a game with a simple premise: take turns hitting one another and laughing. On the one hand (which we shall call "reason") I knew it would quickly disolve into tears and fighting. On the other hand (which we shall call "motherhood" or "survival mode") I realllly just wanted to drink my Diet Coke Diet Dr. K and zone out for a second.  Plus, at that moment they were laughing.

Shockingly, shockingly, the game ended and they each moved on to something else. I left the living room for five seconds (a mother's gotta pee sometime) and when I came back (literally like one minute later) found that Nils had a pen and was attempting to color the ottoman. Luckily, he was using the wrong end.

Not only had Sir Nils managed to get into that mischief. He had also used crayon on the couch and spread dirt from a house plant and ground it into the carpet. How did he get so much accomplished in so little time? I mean, seriously, I was tempted to not even be mad and just be impressed. That kid is an overachiever! Just finding a pen and getting to the ottoman would have been enough of a feat. Proud as my pirate side was, alas, parenting must be done. I would rather be a mother raising my children rather than just watching them grow up. He was sent to time out and then had to "help" me clean up the mess. You can see from this picture how helpful he was:

Nils was forbidden from using any writing implements for the rest of the day so Carolena decided to work on her Top Secret Father's Day Poster (that Daddy knows about because it keeps getting left on the kitchen table but he pretends to not notice because he is in fact a great dad) in the "pie-vacy" of her own room.

And mommy drank a rum and coke last night with dinner. Hello, Friday. What new adventures do you hold for us?

When Life Lobs Citrus

As the old saying goes, when life hands you lemons, make lemonade.

Well, life lobbed a few grapefruits at our heads in the last six months. So much for gently handing out lemons, eh?

It's been a rough couple of months in our household, but somehow Thanksgiving marks a turning point. It might be an arbitrary turning point, but we'll take it nonetheless. We're focused on giving thanks rather than crying or biting people's heads off (okay, okay, so Carolena and I are the ones who do those two things around here more than anyone).

We have so much for which we give thanks and I choose to focus on those things. Two beautiful children, good health all around (praise God), and more comforts in life than many can even dream of. Friends and family to love and be loved by, a pantry stuffed with food, an incredible church, food, toilet paper, running water... and love love love.

I say, when life starts throwing citrus, buy rum and share it with the ones you love.

Coffee or Wine? A Mom’s Guide to Drinking on the Job

Situation One: That Smell 

You come home to a smell. A smell. A smell that can only mean there is a dirty diaper shoved under the couch, raw meat forgotten in a grocery bag, or possibly a dead racoon in your bed.

-          You find the source of the smell.

o   It’s alive.

§  Drink caffeine. Start the percolator and look up the number of an exterminator. Grab the kids, grab your coffee, and hide from the smelly thing living in your house.

o   It’s not alive.

§  Throw it away… preferably in the neighbor’s trashcan when they aren’t looking. Then Febreeze the hell out of your couch and reward yourself by lying down with a glass of wine.

-          You can’t find the source of the smell.

o   Ah! Where the hell is it coming from?! Empty all of the trashcans and scoop the litterbox. Then, give up, light some pumpkin spice candles, and open a bottle of wine.  

Situation Two: Feminine Mystique  

You suddenly realize it’s been an insanely unacceptable number of days since you last bathed. You glance in the mirror and notice that your hair is now made up with what appears to be an accumulation of baby spit up, oatmeal, and... is that last night's dental floss??

-          It’s 10 am

o   Remove floss, put on a hat, choose coffee.

-          It’s 10 pm

o   Bubble bath with wine and a good book. STAT.

Situation Three: Who needs sleep?

The baby is supposed to be sleeping. She has a full tummy, a clean diaper, and has been sung to and snuggled and rocked. All of these things are true and she is still screaming. There appears to be nothing wrong and you are at your wit's end.

-     It’s bedtime 

      o   Place the baby in the crib, tell her you love her, and leave. She won’t hurt himself crying. Turn up some jazz music, go to the other side of your house, and open a bottle of wine. Check on the baby in a little while.

-      It’s naptime.

o   Damn girl. That sucks. It's going to be a long day. Coffee. Choose strong coffee.

Situation Four: The Cement Mixer

You forgot the golden rule of kitchen cleanup and allowed oatmeal to dry on your floor, chair, table, and ceiling.

-          It’s 10 am

o   Start the coffee. And you might as well heat up some water while you're at it. You'll need some scalding hot water to tackle that shit.

-          It’s 10 pm

o   Grab a bottle of wine and turn off the kitchen light. Let tomorrow deal with tomorrow. That's Gospel. Err... kind of.

Situation Five: It’s a Bird! It’s a Plane! It’s Supermom!

You had a perfect put-Mary-Poppins-to-shame kind of day. No tears were shed, no diapers were blowouts, all food eaten was healthy. No one threw a tantrum, you went grocery shopping and made dinner. Kids went to bed easily and on time. There was not one mishap or Plan B needed.

-          This really happened.

o   Congratulations! You are a world class bullshitter. You even convinced yourself! Reward yourself for being such a great liar by opening a bottle of wine. Unless of course you’ve been drinking wine already, which would explain your ability to believe this actually happened, in which case... perhaps brew some coffee.

               -           This didn’t really happen.

o   Yep, that sounds about right. Find something single malt. Or rum. Even Mary Poppins got some rum punch at the end of the day. It was the rum that kept her from completely losing her shit.