Words of Wisdom From Carolena

The Art of Fine Dining: Crawfish Edition

If a nice older couple from church invites your family out for a Cajun lunch always say yes. You love your Beaumonster mom, you love red beans & rice, you love restaurants, you love older people... how could this go wrong?

Step One: Flirt. Flirt like crazy with the older man. Give him plenty of attention. Glance at him every once in a while to make sure he's still paying attention to you. Flash him your most dazzling smile. Bat your eyelashes at him. Hand him one of your crayons and invite him to share your piece of paper to color with you. When your mom offers you a chip smile coyly at the gentleman and convince him to put some butter on it for you. Woo him the entire meal.

Step Two: Don't eat anything that isn't a carb. Except butter of course. If your mother puts some fried crawfish on your plate eat the fried batter off of each one and then carefully place every naked tail back on your plate... you will need them for steps three and four.

Step Three: When you are finished eating every carb within sight, grab your water glass and announce loudly, "ICE!" Then start plunging your hand in for a treat. Once you have had your fill of ice, collect all of your unbattered crawfish tails. Place them one at a time in your water. If your mother gives you a look or asks you to mind your manners, glare at her. But be sure to smile coyly at the gentleman next to you lest he think the glare was for him. After carefully placing each tail into your drink, stab at them with a straw until the water becomes murky.

Step Four: Talk to the older man. Show him your new drink. Then, bottoms up! Drink your crawfish water. Just take a deep breath and do it. It won't taste good but you must prove your mother wrong. After taking a big swig of your Crustacean Cooler, smile at everyone and say loudly, "mmmm." Make sure they think you enjoyed your creation. Just for good measure, smile at the older man again. Maybe offer him another crayon. He really enjoyed coloring with you.

Step Five: While the adults are chatting and waiting for the check and all of the plates are cleared from the table the older gentleman might ask you if you would like to be held. Act appalled. Glare at him. Give him the cold shoulder. Where would he ever get the idea that you would like to sit with him?

Step Six: Smile widely and say "thank you" and "bye bye" to the couple as you are leaving. If you're really feeling appreciative now is a good time to blow a couple of kisses. Adults really eat that up.

Going out to eat with an older couple is a fine art. Don't worry if you don't get all of the six steps right on your first try. Keep at it. Enjoying the finer things in life sometimes takes practice.