Words of Wisdom From Carolena

The Fine Art of Dining: Yogurt Edition

First, insist on eating yogurt if you see a container of it.

Wait, that's not all... insist on eating yogurt if you see your mother open the fridge. Insist on eating yogurt if you see the fridge. Insist on eating yogurt if you even think about the fridge.

Place your napkin in your lap and pick up your spoon. Do this only to humor your mother.

As soon as your mom even so much as glances away or blinks, begin to use your hand as a shovel and get as much yogurt into your mouth as quickly as you can. This is a contest. You will lose points for going too slow or not getting enough yogurt onto the table and your chair. Points will also be deducted if any yogurt is on your spoon.

Always drink the end of a container of yogurt. Don't let anyone add milk to it to make it easier. Hah, easier is for babies. Just hold the container up to your mouth and make really loud sucking noises. Then, if you are really a lady of culture (pun intended), spread the remainder of the yogurt on as much of your body as possible. It keeps your skin baby smooth even as you age into toddlerhood.


And people, this part is very important: If you have a mother who worries about such things (which fortunately Carolena's mom doesn't... washcloths exist for a reason) just don't touch anything with your yogurty hands on the way to the bathtub. Go easy on her. She is the one who buys the yogurt after all.