Twistin' the Night Away

Wedding Etiquette 101
By Carolena

So you got invited to a wedding? Well, here are some tips for making the most of the nuptial celebration:

First, wear something fabulous. Knee socks, dress shoes, and a smocked dress go a long way in cuteness factor. There will be a lot of older people at the wedding and they'll be interested in talking to you so go for a look that's classic.

Second, be on your best behavior. Sit quietly in your church pew. Stand on the kneeler when you need to see the front of the church. Wait patiently in line for your turn to recieve the Eucharist. Wow everyone with your good church behavior.

Next comes the reception... aka "the church party" and this is when things get really good. As soon as you enter the room head straight for the cake. Stare at it longingly and talk about how it looks like a "yummy happy" cake. Check out all of the tables and any interesting decorations in the room. Perhaps offer to play the piano. Your mom will probably decline this offer but it's always nice to check just in case. Go back and smile at the cake.

Sit at a table with grown ups and engage in interesting conversation. Tell them that you are a "big girl" and "sleep in big girl bed." Make sure everyone knows you realllllly like those dinner mints on the table. Once your mom hands you a plate of dinner (bbq), take a big bite of coleslaw.

On second thought, don't eat the coleslaw! Spit it out! Spit it out!

Once the coleslaw is spit out onto the floor where it belongs, carefully select a purple onion from your mother's plate and eat that instead. Whew, much better.

After eating some more dinner go check out that wedding cake again.

Then, it's time to dance. Why isn't anyone on the dance floor?? Take charge of that party foul and get out there and boogie.

Just for good measure cruise by that cake once more.

Eventually the grownups will take turns talking. When the noise dies down it's your big moment. Lift your glass of lemonade and yell, "cheers!" as loudly and clearly as you possibly can.

Then, head back to the dance floor. Why isn't anyone else dancing yet?

Finally! The cake is cut! Convince one of the gentlemen to carry you over to the cake table and select a piece with a lot of icing. Then, carefully carry it back to mommy and enjoy every ounce of icing you can find. No need to eat any actual cake... just the icing will suffice.

Finally, head back to the dance floor and recommence operation Dance the Night Away.

Follow these tips and you'll be sure to leave any wedding as the star. Bride? What bride?