The Man From the Moon

Now that E.T. has fully acclimated to your home you will have realized by now that he is a perfect best friend.

There are tons of activities that E.T. enjoys so it is really best to always keep him by your side. E.T. will need to be clothed and diapered at all times. He sees the wisdom in your style choices and your clothes are conveniently just his size so be sure to outfit him in dresses, hats, and stylish t-shirts. Every once in a while you should take off all of his clothing and yell, "body!" or "belly!" or "hiney!" as the mood strikes you.

E.T. is always up for a stroll in your baby doll stroller or for a quick cruise in your shopping cart. He loves when Mommy makes cookies and likes to help taste the chocolate chips and drink milk. If you get in the laundry basket, bring E.T. It's a cozy cuddling spot.

E.T. will need to sleep in your bed so that you can stay up late whispering and giggling, and that way you can chat as soon as you wake up in the morning. He'll want to lie on your diaper changing table with you and come along with you to breakfast. Be sure he gets to sit in his favorite chair.

If you ever accidentally hurt E.T. be sure to tell him, "I sowwy" and comfort him by rocking him and saying, "shhhh." If that fails to do the trick take him to Mommy for a kiss.

Yep, that E.T. is one great friend.

W.O.W.

Words of Wisdom by Carolena

If you're in your crib it means Mommy won. Presumably you did everything you could to stall the inevitable: you took your time getting to your room, you resisted a diaper change, you requested more books, you asked her to "wok" and sing to you in the rocking chair. Yet, nonetheless, here you are in your crib. Spend some time playing with toys and then call out for Mommy. If Mommy doesn't come to get you, call out for Daddy. If Daddy doesn't poke his head into the room, fall back on some others: call Moom, call Jimmers, call Uncle Hunter, and by all means, call She-Ra - surely one of them will come to your rescue and save you from the clutches of Hordak and the Evil Hoard nap time.

Show off your new Minnie Mouse shirt as much as possible. If Moom is holding your new shirt and you hear a terrifying monster scream behind her (aka the dryer buzzer going off), grab your t-shirt from her hands and run! Moom can fend for herself. Save your sparkly Minnie shirt.

When you hear music you should start dancing.

When you hear music that is awesome you should start break dancing. Dance so hard that you accidentally turn your first somersault.

W.O.W.

Words of Wisdom by Carolena

If your mother insists you wear shorts to the Y, but you think you look fabulous in just your Elmo shirt and diaper, stand up for fashion. If she goes so far as to try and physically force shorts onto your body, fight. Kick, scream, claw. Do what you have to do to get away pantless. If your mother tells you to go to Time Out and only come out when you are ready to wear shorts, sit in Time Out. Sit there for a long time. When Mommy comes periodically to ask you if you are ready for shorts, scream. Throw the shorts back in her face. After about 20 minutes Mommy will probably relax on the couch with chips, a drink, and a Sodoku book. Hmph. Stupid chips. Hmmm... chips. Chips? Politely ask if you may have some chips. Think about it a while and decide that chips are worth it... put on the shorts.

If you are lucky enough to receive a lime green t-shirt featuring a pirate meerkat with a mom tattoo, wear it everyday. Pirate meerkats are the height of fashion this season. Refer to your pirate shirt as "my yo-ho" until eventually you'll realize that takes to long to say, at which point you can just shorten it to "my ho." In fact, while your at it just refer to anything piratey as "ho." If you are in a store and see a Jolly Roger or something with a skull on it, yell out, "Mommy! See! Ho!!" as loudly as possible. Pirates are awesome. She won't want to miss seeing it.

Take a few bites of your dinner to humor your parents. Say, "yumm" and smile. Then, casually push the bowl to the middle of the table, shoot your mother your most adorable smile and ask, "happy?" ("happy" means cupcake). Mommy will probably say no and meanwhile Daddy will get up to cut some grapes for you. While Daddy is at the sink lean over conspiratorially to Mommy and whisper, "cookie cookie?"

Viking Women Were Independent

One of Carolena's books is an Eyewitness Book whose subject matter is the Vikings. Honestly, it's fascinating and I can spend amazing amounts of time pouring over its pages. Last night I pulled it out and read this portion out loud to Chris:

The page title is Women and Children and the first sentence reads, "Viking women were independent." The book goes on to say, "women had a considerable amount of power and status. When their husbands were away on raids or explorations, they were left to run the farms, so they were capable and strong-willed..."

Indpendent. Capable. Strong-willed. Yep, that about sums it up. My female Viking ancestors must have had dominant genes, although, that's really no surprise all things considered.

W.O.W.

Words of Wisdom by Carolena

Some kids sit quietly in the pool while their mothers relax nearby. Those families are boring. You and your mom prefer adventures. You and Mommy like to explore every aspect of the pool. The two of you like to get in and out and go all around. The pool is a fantastic place for expending energy and wearing out your mom.

Never go into your car seat without a fight.

There is a song for everything. Even if you've never actually heard your mom sing a song about snakes, or fish, or your glowworm "Howie," or {fill in the blank with anything}, that doesn't mean the song doesn't exist. Request songs about your favorite things - your mom can always come up with something.

Peeling bananas is always more fun than eating them.

Hunger is the Best Pickle

When I was pregnant with Carolena I didn't have many pregnancy cravings per se. I had a heck of a lot of aversions to different foods (namely anything green) and certainly ate more than my fair share of queso (one day I realized I'd had queso seven times in five days... those were five fantastic days) but didn't experience any stereotypical pregnant woman moments when it came to food.

Last week I ate an entire jar of dill pickles.
In one sitting.
And drank the juice.

I regretted it for about 24 hours afterward and put out a household decree that no one ever mention pickles again in my presence.

Last night Chris kindly reminded me of this when I opened a new jar. Realizing the wisdom behind his words and recalling how miserable the entire jar episode had made me feel, I reluctantly relinquished the jar. I then sat on the couch and spent about thirty minutes or so debating the merits of a cream cheese and pickle sandwich.

I wonder how pickles might taste with queso...

W.O.W

Words of Wisdom from Carolena

Cheese is food from heaven. Eat it as often as Mommy will let you. Stand by the fridge and politely say, "cheese?" If Mommy declines, voice your disapproval and cling to the fridge like it's a life-raft. If you see a bowl of cheese on the table sneak over and use the serving spoon to take a big bite. Who cares that it's Parmesan! Take another bite! Cheese, glorious cheese!

If you wake up from your nap and find that you have pooped, don't call out for Mommy. Hang out in your crib for a while. Take off your diaper to make yourself more comfortable. Don't play with or touch the poop in the diaper. That would be undignified. Rather, simply enjoy the freedom of your newly undiapered bottom. Read some books. Practice some of the new words you've learned lately. Perhaps sing a song. After a while call Mommy. When she comes to the door, nonchalantly lean over the side of your crib and offer her your soiled diaper with a casual, "Hi Mommy. Poop."

The vacuum is not to be trusted. Do not show it fear. If it dares show its loud ugly face scream at it. Run, yell, show it who's boss. The vacuum is an elusive beast who rarely ventures out of the cave in which it lives. Take heart: the good news is if the vacuum is out then company is surely close at hand.