Tales From the Cyrpt

I recently spent a day with a girl who is a friend of a friend. For the sake of anonymity let's call this girl Erin. Although, Erin might actually be her name. I can't remember.

So, um... Jennifer... no... Rene... no... Amber... yeah,  "Amber" so let's go with that. Amber and I were talking and somehow it came up in conversation that I am thirty-one. Amber was twenty-something or some other godawful age in which girls talk about their older boyfriends and bikini waxing and thigh cellulite. These conversations were never my forte.

When I mentioned the fact that I'm thirty-one Amber's wide-eyed genuinely surprised response was "You're thirty-one?! Woowww." She then proceeded to stare intently at my face until pronouncing "Thirty one? You have really great skin."

On the one hand, thanks! I'll take the compliment.

On the other, how many people over the age of twenty-nine has this girl ever met? What does she think happens? On your thirtieth birthday you turn into the crypt keeper?

Later on that afternoon as we parted ways Amber told me her plans for the rest of the day, "Yeah... I think I'm just going to, like, lay out by the pool {glances at the clear blue sunny sky} Hm... yeah... I probably won't wear sunscreen today... well, bye!"

Ah, yes, that explains everything.

Are You Bragging or Complaining?

In the world of facebook and blogs moms can get a bit out of control. Pictures of perfect homes and children in handmade smocked outfits and clean smiling faces. Pictures of beautifully assembled homemade desserts and pinteresting crafts. Hm. That's not our house.

Our house is messy. It's a miracle every single time the kitchen gets mopped. As in call the Vatican kind of miracle. I'm under the impression that "master bedroom" is a code phrase for "crap catcher." And is it even possible that there are counters under all of that stuff?

Carolena likes to pick her own clothes. And I let her. I usually only veto things like jackets in May. Other than that bring on the cat costume, tutu, and my pair of Cat in the Hat ankle socks that she wears as knee socks.

Our litterbox always needs scooping. And Olive's fur is permanently matted. Seriously cat? I love you... but you can't take care of your own damn fur?

This morning I forgot to bring my bag containing a nursing cover and burp cloth. So, I had to nurse sans cover and then use the bottom half of my shirt to wipe up the spit up covering the entire top half of my body. None of that bothered me. You're welcome fellow Cinco Ranch Library patrons.

Our living room carpet could write a book entitled, "1001 Things that Spilled on Me This Month." The list would include orange juice, milk, and scotch among other things. I'm not sure anything spilled on our carpet got there from a toddler. The carpet would for sure throw me and Chris under the bus as the guilty parties.

Days around here are pretty messy. Sticky little hands are busy helping out around the kitchen. Toys and books that have been carefully put away are thrown back onto the ground before the next task can be accomplished. As I pack my bag and set it by the door my toddler unpacks it and puts it somewhere else. And the laundry, dear Lord, the laundry.

But, in all of this, I have to admit that right now I'm bragging. Not complaining. I'd much rather have a home so full of love and life and fun that there isn't any room left for keeping it clean.

Well... maybe a little bit tidier would be nice.

Conversational Carolena

"Why?"

"Want to listen to Frozen music? Want to listen to Let it Go music?"

"Why?"

"Want to read a book? Two books."
*Two evidently just means more than one

"Why?"

"What's that?"

"Why?"

"Member that? You remember that Mommy? Member?"

"Why?"

At the crack of dawn:
"I'm awake. {shrug} I'm just awake."

"Why?"

W.O.W

Words of Wisdom
By Carolena

Heading out to a restaurant for dinner? Be sure to go prepared. Don't bother Mommy with the details. You are a big girl now and can take care of these things on your own. When you arrive at the restaurant Mommy will probably only then notice that you brought your backpack. She'll ask you what's in it. Reply simply, "my wombat." Duh. What else would you have packed for a dinner out on the town?

Listen to "Frozen music" as often as possible. And don't forget to sing it at the top of your lungs. When you hear the line "all my life has been a series of doors in my face" look at Mommy with a shocked look on your face and in your highest pitch possible scream, "Dwarfs?! They're like Snow White!" Hahaa... "all my life has been a series of dwarfs in my face..." yep, that is just like Snow White.

Did you know that the ability to open doors leads to an entirely new sense of freedom?! Why hadn't I ever realized this before now?!?! I've been able to open doors for quite some time but only recently did it occur to me that this (quite literally) opens new doors in my world. Why stay in your room when you could be out and about in the house? Why stay inside when you could try the garage door? Mommy and Daddy now put those pesky white thingies on a few of the doors. Hmph. They're no fun.

Nuggets from Nils

Nuggets from Nils
By Nils Morgan

Carolena is hilarious. Mommy and Daddy are always trying to get a laugh, but let's face it, they aren't that funny. Give them a courtesy smile for their efforts and then scan the room for Carolena. She's the one to watch!

Mommy ruined the cloth diapers. Ugh! MOMMMMYYY. That is so annoying. The cloth diapers were way more comfortable and, before she ruined them, never leaked. The disposables are miserable because they are so easy to fill. Encourage Mommy to get on the ball when it comes to fixing the cloth diapers... have what Mommy calls a "big summer blowout" every time you poop in the disposables. Maybe that will inspire her to waterproof those diapers!

If someone mentions your cloth diapers, cry. Crumple your face into the saddest but cutest face in the world and just wail. If someone mentions that they are holding you so that Mommy can "take a break," wail. Make the most pathetic face in the world and just scream. People will appreciate your good comedic timing.

The Problem of Excess

This morning as I was driving Carolena to school I glanced in the review mirror to catch a glimpse of Nils in the mirror by his carseat. When I glanced back I saw that there was a Kroger sticker on his mirror. Kroger stickers are always all over my car.

What is it with American excess? It is making me insane. Don't get me wrong, I am incredibly thankful for the time, place, and circumstances in which I live. In fact, I give thanks to God everyday for clean running water, my dishwasher, and my washing machine. Really. However, in so many ways I think that the excess is just too, well, excessive.

Why does my child get a sticker every time we go to the store? She doesn't even care about the sticker. She only cares (tantrum style) if she doesn't receive one. The sticker itself couldn't matter less. That is why you see so many Kroger/Target/WhateverStore stickers stuck to the carts, because kids don't care!

I keep thinking about Laura Ingalls with her corn husk. In Little House in the Big Woods Laura doesn't even have a doll. She literally wrapped a blanket around a corn husk and used that as her one toy. And I have a child who has more toys than she can play with and for the most part doesn't actually give a shit (pardon my french) about any of them. Besides her special "whoppie frog" and Howie I could probably slowly sneak every toy out of this house and she wouldn't notice or care.

Every year for Christmas the Ingalls girls were giddy with anticipation and yet they weren't even sure if Santa would show up or not. Carolena will never worry about whether or not Santa will bring presents. The Ingalls girls were happily surprised to find a small amount of Christmas candy and one gift per person. They would marvel over the one present and savor the candy with delight. We can have candy any day of the week. Carolena sees candy in every single checkout line we ever stand in. We don't have candy that often, but certainly it isn't that big of a deal when we do. And don't get me started on Christmas. Geeze Louise. "Let's celebrate the incarnation, God come to Earth in human form, by giving each other a bunch of crap that no one needs or even cares about."

What is it with the excess? While we have made our lives so much easier and I am thankful for the access to so many things, I think it's just gone a bit too far. It's too much. What saddens me is that it cheapens things that could be special. It could be special to get a sticker every once in a while. It could be special to get a new toy. It could be special to have cookies, or gummies, or candy, or whatever fun food every once in a while. It could be special to get that one really awesome gift for Christmas and savor it. But it isn't. The excess is the norm now. And I don't like it.

So, I'll keep buying less and donating to thrift stores so that the stuff doesn't overwhelm us. I'll keep cooking at home so that going out to eat is a treat. I'll ask Santa to keep the Christmas gifts low-key. I'll ask the Easter Bunny to bring stickers and the Toothfairy to leave quarters. I'll work to give our family balance so that we don't fall prey to the excess. I'll keep working on Becoming Leona. Let's just hope those damn Kroger stickers don't kill me first.

Happy Mother's Day

Some people start Mother's Day by sleeping in late and enjoying breakfast in bed. Those mothers don't have husbands who go to work at the crack of dawn on Sundays.

Mother's Day: a day that begins with tossing dirty laundry into the washing machine, emptying the dishwasher, making a walmart list for an after church trip that unfortunately can't be put off, and strong coffee. Strong coffee.

All moms know that Mother's Day is a sham. Well, all smart moms know that. All the others are disappointed every year or just kidding themselves. I was smart enough to request a good steak and a glass of scotch for Mother's Day this year. I shall not be disappointed or disillusioned.  

I started off the day by finding two handmade cards by our coffee pot (smart place to put them Chris!). Carolena's finest work and Nils' first work! Chris gave him a marker and held the paper for him. My card from Carolena is fantastic and reads (transcribed by Daddy):
"I love you Mommy. I made a card for you. Crabs. Let's go to the beach. Let's go to Moom's house. Happy Mother's Day. Yay!"

A perfect card from my daughter who woke up this morning calling out, "Mommy hippopotamus? Where are you? I'm baby hippopotamus! Come find meeeee..." Who gave me a sincere hug and kiss this morning. Who radiates love and joy.

A perfect card from my son who woke up this morning calling out, "Mommmmmyyyy... come feeeeeddd meeee... I lovvveee youuuu..." (that's what it sounded like to me at least). Who gives me the most loving smiles that anyone has ever given me. Who radiates love and joy.

THAT is all I needed for this perfect Mother's Day.

Duncan Customary

My sister and bro-in-law's church just called a new rector (exciting!) and yesterday Trent sent me a post from the new rector's wife's blog. Feel free to reread that sentence a few times.

Okay, with me now?

Then my sister's husband's brother's cat had to go to the vet and the vet's son's mother in law... just kidding...

So, my sister's new rector's wife's blog was great. She explained what a Bishop's customary is - read it here - and created one for her family. Well, how could I not follow suit? Don't you want to make your family's customary too?!

So, without further a do (and yes, it is in fact a do, not adieu), I present to you:

THE DUNCAN FAMILY CUSTOMARY
{trumpeting music, trumpeting music, trumpeting music}

• Thanks for inviting us over! I hope your invitation was for an early time because we like to get our kids in bed around 7, and Casey falls asleep ("I'm not sleeping. I'm reading... err... I just had to rest my eyes for a moment") around 9. Sooooo... if your soiree starts at 9... count us out. Or be smart enough to bring Casey a starbucks coffee earlier that day.
• And speaking of coffee... don't serve Casey coffee. Chris will probably exile you from the church if you serve me coffee anytime after 3 pm and don't plan on staying up with me all night.
• Mmmmm.... coffee.... pardon me while I go refill my cup. Remember the days when I didn't drink caffiene? I call that "the world without Nils, a much drearier place indeed."
• Customary... back to the customary...
• We will bring a toddler to your home. And an infant. So expect some tears and tantrums. It will happen. Get over it.
• Do you have breakable items in your home? Hide them. Casey and Carolena were cut from the same cloth and tend to break things. Usually by accident.
• Please don't force us to be the ones to carry the entire conversation. It's much more fun if everyone participates. Really. If we have to do all of the talking the only things you are going to hear about church or Mount Everest. Although, recently I have also added Weight Watchers, Les Mills, the Little House books, and goblin sharks into my rotation as well. So, yeah, you might want to think of some other conversational topics if none of that interests you. Seriously. However, if any of those topics strikes your fancy, we can chat all night so bring out the coffee!
• As far as food goes, we like it. Food that is. 
• You should be aware that the Duncans DO drink alcoholic beverages. We're not so much wine drinkers (Casey because of migraines and Chris for no apparent reason) but give us some good beer, scotch, rum, or bourbon and we're happy campers.
• Speaking of rum, you probably need to know that Casey is part pirate.
• Not kidding on that pirate thing.
• Really, a pirate.
• Since Casey is a pirate don't sit by her if cuss words hurt your ears or the sight of someone drinking rum makes you nauseous or you abhor people who have a wooden peg leg and an eye patch. In fact, if any of those things bother you, just forget about inviting us over. Save yourself the agony and don't do it.

More Signs I'm Turning Into My Mother

Just when you thought I couldn't be anymore of a mini-me of my mother, the following things happened:

"Any toys left on the floor will be thrown away" came out of my mouth.

Our vacuum shows no mercy for small pieces of chalk, hairbands, and crapola toys.

The kids were feisty and it wasn't yet bedtime... so I just tossed them both in the bathtub to occupy them and keep them contained.

And then there was the time that I tooted loudly (accidentally!), saw Chris' expression, and I blamed it on the cat (Clearly it had been me. Blaming it on Max is just funny). Perhaps I'm turning into my father after all... certainly that is not becoming Leona!

By Water and the Holy Spirit

There are many arguments in the universal Church for and against infant baptism. I think both sides make good arguments and ultimately parents have to choose what they think is the best decision for their family. For our family, that means we baptize our babies. 

The sign of God's covenant with Abraham was circumcision. This took place on the eighth day of life and in the words of one of my favorite seminary professors it was the liturgical equivalent of promising God, "we are going to raise this child in the faith and we mean it." Amen.

We are going to raise our children in the faith and we mean it. Amen.

Baptism is the sign of God's covenant with us through Christ. Unlike circumcision, it is inclusive for all people (Women! Holla!) and for that I am thankful. I believe that in baptism we receive the gift of the Holy Spirit and that is a gift that I would not deny my children. I certainly can't fully wrap my brain around baptism and the grace of God nor would I ever claim that. If complete understanding of that holy mystery is required for baptism then none of us could be baptized.

 

The Episcopal catechism (yes, we have one and it's awesome) describes baptism saying, "Holy Baptism is the sacrament by which God adopts us as his children and makes us member of Christ's Body, the Church, and inheritors of the kingdom of God." As a parent, I willingly offer my own children to be adopted by God. We offer them with the hope that in our church family we will find a community of believers who will help us in our desire to raise our children as faithful followers of Christ.

My children received their first communions on the day of their baptisms and are welcome to share with us in that banquet anytime. I do not want my children to ever recall a time when the body and blood of Christ were denied them. I do not claim to fully understand the Holy Eucharist but what I do know is this: I believe that contained in the elements is the life giving Christ. I believe that Eucharist is a taste of the heavenly banquet. I believe that in sharing one bread and one cup we are united with the saints of God who have gone before us, live today, and will come tomorrow. I believe that the bread and the wine are holy food, and that is something I want my children to know they are always welcome to.

 

Nils Morgan, we receive you into the household of God. Confess the faith of Christ crucified, proclaim his resurrection, and share with us in his eternal priesthood.

W.O.W

Words of Wisdom
By Carolena

If you are working on arts & crafts with Mommy and discover that you can now draw circles, spend time utilizing your new skill. Draw circle upon circle upon circle in a variety of colors creating a beautiful rainbow of spirals across the page. Then, tell Mommy that it's, "for my birthday. When I'm 12" and ask her to drive to Kroger to get an envelope and a stamp to mail it to "Carolena for her birthday. When I'm 12."

If your mother ever piles things on the dining room table, watch out. Those things seem to get put into boxes and those boxes disappear forever. Most likely they go to Moom and Jimmer's favorite store, Goodwill. Sneak things out of the dining room and back into your toy bins any time you see the telltale signs. Who cares if it's outgrown or unused? It's yours darn it!

Why take a nap when you can bounce around in bed singing "Don't Worry Be Happy" at the top of your lungs?

Need to get a laugh out of your mom? "Hi. I'm Olaf. I like warm hugs" will usually do the trick.