We'll Drink a Cup of Kindness Yet

Tonight as I lie on the couch in my pajamas watching Twilight Zone episodes until my 9 pm bedtime, I shall lift a glass of sparkling lemonade and drink a cup of kindness yet to auld lang syne. 2013: a year during which I am pretty sure I threw up more days than not.

And this time next year I shall lie on the couch in my pajamas watching Twilight Zone episodes until my 9 pm bedtime, and I will lift a glass of scotch and drink a cup of kindness yet to auld lang syne. 2014: a year that shines with the glimmering hope of less vomit.

W.O.W. Advent Edition

Carolena's Guidelines for a Happy Holy Advent:

The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear. Frosty the Snowman is a very good choice when choosing something to sing. The words go a little something like this "Frosty snowman... holly jolly... coal... buttons eyes." Sing along to every christmas song you hear. Request "I want hippo" often and once it's playing be sure to dance and sing along, "Eye! I want tinkie toys! Hippo!" If a song happens to come along and you find that you dont know the words just make up your own. As long as you've got the right tune you can always sing "Santa Claus is coming soooon. Santa is going to bring presents to Carolenaaaaa."

Point out the abominable snowman every time you see him. Appropriate responses include, but are not limited to: (1) yell, "bumble!" while pointing and cheering (2) yell, "bumble!" while raising your arms above your head and roaring at him in imitation (3) yell, "bumble!" and then wrap your arms around your body as though you're cold, stick out your lower lip, and say with a glint in your eye, "I scared!"

If you are lucky enough to attend a church Christmas party ignore everyone in the room over 4 ft tall. Ignore everything there is to eat (including the desserts) in favor of eating only that fabulous delicacy, macaroni and cheese. Spend the majority of your time dancing and chasing your friends.

You may or may not be aware of a man people call "Santa," but he's kind of a big deal. Every time you wake up from a nap or nighttime grin at your parents and remind them that "Santa is coming. He going to bring presents for Lena." Rumor has it that Santa is at the snake mall (aka Katy Mills - the Rainforest Cafe has a big snake outside). Tell everyone you see, "Santa at snake mall" just to ensure they don't miss out. 

If you are lucky enough to have a nativity that you are allowed to play with then spend time with it each day. Hot topics for the holy family to discuss include phrases such as: "dinner's ready!" "where's my crib?" and "no boys! no!" (the last one to be used when scolding those pesky magi).

Finally, when it comes to asking Jolly Old St. Nick for a gift, dream big. What would you like for him to bring? Elmo. A toy Elmo? No, Elmo. An Elmo video? No. Elmo. Kevin Clash? NOOOO... ELMO!

Touche

I've become convinced that our baby has some sort of weapon that it's using to zap all of my energy, make me feel queasy, make me incredibly tired, and start each of my days lightheaded. It also uses said weapon to give me heartburn and insomnia... and did I mention that it makes me tired? I believe this weapon is called a placenta. Touche Mother Nature. Touche.

Surprise!

It wasn't surprising this morning when I dropped a jar of salsa on the floor in Koger.
     It was surprising when the cashier responded with a relieved, "Oh thank God. I thought your water had broken." I wasn't under the impression that would sound like a glass jar smashing to the ground... but then again, what do I know?

It wasn't surprising when Chris left the other night to bring back a "surprise for his girls" (pizza).
     It was surprising when he walked out the front door, turned right back around to grab his keys, and upon entering the door saw Carolena jump out in front of him yelling, "surprise!"

It wasn't surprising when Chris opened our pantry and asked, "Geeze, how many jars of pickles does one family need?"
     It was surprising to find out there are jars of pickles in this house that I haven't consumed yet.

It wasn't surprising when I opened my blog to find it's been about a month since my last post. I mean, really, I've been falling asleep at 8 pm every night.
     It was surprising to start a new post today after I announced I would spend the entire day studying for the teaching I'm doing this Saturday.
     Oh, who am I kidding, that isn't surprising at all. Now, what else can I go do to procrastinate? Besides cleaning of course.

Clergy Spouse Confessions: Social Norms

I forget that people view us differently. We, the clergy family, can really get put into a weird social box. Oftentimes I want to remind people (and do), "uhh... we're Episcopalian..."

Yes, we drink. In fact, sometimes we drink a lot. I would bet money (yes, bet money) that at a priest friend's wedding last year the clergy couples consumed more alcohol than his old frat brothers (I accidentally typed "fat brothers" at first - Freudian slip?). I'm not bragging or complaining here. Just stating the facts. Jesus drank. We drink. Jesus was in fact frequently accused of being a "drunk" sooo... yeah...

Yes, we can be fun. We recently attended an event that had an oh-so-popular-right-now photo booth. Evidently people were thrilled and surprised that Chris and I got in it. Really? Well newsflash people: we also dance! Not well mind you, but we dance nonetheless. And, just to clarify, I don't mean dancing with long ribbons to church music.

Yes, we cuss. In my house - not excessively, but really, a good cuss word goes a long way when used at just the right moment. Sometimes I may or may not cuss during my girls' bible study at church... or when teaching Sunday school... it happens. Or should I say sh*t happens? 

Yes, we talk about things other than church. Okay, so our families might not believe that one, and sometimes I find it hard to believe as well. However, we have other interests beyond the walls of our church. What are they you ask? Hmm... well... I'll uhh... let's see... there's um... and the... I'll get back to you on that.

Now excuse me while I go look up the words to my favorite Thanksgiving hymn to hang on the hymn board in our kitchen. If only I were joking...

Clergy Spouse Confessions: The Wedding Date

As a clergy spouse there are inevitably occasions that just seem inherently awkward. For instance: going to a wedding when the only person you know (aka your date) is the priest.

I can't imagine how shy clergy spouses cope.

Cons of going to a wedding as the priest's date:

1. You have to arrive incredibly early. This means it will be family of the bride & groom, wedding attendants, people working at the wedding (including your date), and... well... you. Awkward old you. You'll get to stand around wondering if it would be rude to pull out a book and read while everyone else is hustling and bustling.
2. When it comes time to finally find a seat for the ceremony you'll have to face that inevitable question from an usher, "bride's side or groom's?" Uhhh... well... ahem... what are their names again? I recommend sitting near the back on the bride's side of the aisle. I used to think I should sit on the groom's side because it usually includes less people and I figured my presence would add another body, but then I realized it's easier to blend in on the bride's side. One bonus of sitting by yourself at a wedding: people will assume you've saved the seat next to you for your date and give you a little extra room - a definite perk when sitting in those narrow white wedding chairs.
3. You'll have to wait around while the wedding party takes pictures. If you're lucky they'll quickly get the ones with the priest out of the way and you'll be able to head up to the reception.

Pros of going to a wedding as the priest's date:

1. Your date will be one of the best dressed. No, really, I'm serious. Your date will look classic in clericals and a suit and you won't have to worry about him looking like some yahoo wearing an out of season jacket or clearance rack tie. "Does this black shirt go with my white collar?" Yep. It does.
2. No one will talk to you during the ceremony. As aforementioned, no one is going to sit next to you at the ceremony which means you won't hear any running commentary about dresses, flowers, color choices, or even the best looking groomsman for that matter. You can just sit back, relax, and enjoy the wedding.
3. You won't know anyone at the reception. This might at first seem like a downside, but it is in fact, a fabulous item on the pro list. Knowing only the priest at the reception means very little small talk because once the bride, groom, and their parents chat with the priest that's about it. Everyone else will look past the clergy couple for a more fun looking duo. Little do they know. If only they suspected that the other two things I find fantastic about knowing only my date at a wedding reception are "beer that flows like wine" (Dumb & Dumber anyone?) and tons of anonymous white-girl-on-the-dance-floor dance moves... oooohhhhh yeahhhhh*

* oooohhhhh yeahhhhh... Chris recently pointed out to me that I might want to stop quoting the Kool Aid Man since our two year old has now picked it up. Hmph. I told him I'll just start quoting the Slim Jim guy instead.

I Listen to the Wind to the Wind of My Soul

Life in the Burbs

When we lived in Austin things were different, but now...

if rarely shaving my legs, recycling, driving a Prius, cloth diapering my kid(s), breast feeding until my baby is a year old, baking my own bread, and sending my toddler to school with veggies and hummus in her lunch box makes me a hippie mom... then right on man, right on.

Kelly, oh greatest maker of Pearland homemade granola, remember this?