Tonight as I lie on the couch in my pajamas watching Twilight Zone episodes until my 9 pm bedtime, I shall lift a glass of sparkling lemonade and drink a cup of kindness yet to auld lang syne. 2013: a year during which I am pretty sure I threw up more days than not.
And this time next year I shall lie on the couch in my pajamas watching Twilight Zone episodes until my 9 pm bedtime, and I will lift a glass of scotch and drink a cup of kindness yet to auld lang syne. 2014: a year that shines with the glimmering hope of less vomit.
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
W.O.W. Advent Edition
Carolena's Guidelines for a Happy Holy Advent:
The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear. Frosty the Snowman is a very good choice when choosing something to sing. The words go a little something like this "Frosty snowman... holly jolly... coal... buttons eyes." Sing along to every christmas song you hear. Request "I want hippo" often and once it's playing be sure to dance and sing along, "Eye! I want tinkie toys! Hippo!" If a song happens to come along and you find that you dont know the words just make up your own. As long as you've got the right tune you can always sing "Santa Claus is coming soooon. Santa is going to bring presents to Carolenaaaaa."
Point out the abominable snowman every time you see him. Appropriate responses include, but are not limited to: (1) yell, "bumble!" while pointing and cheering (2) yell, "bumble!" while raising your arms above your head and roaring at him in imitation (3) yell, "bumble!" and then wrap your arms around your body as though you're cold, stick out your lower lip, and say with a glint in your eye, "I scared!"
If you are lucky enough to attend a church Christmas party ignore everyone in the room over 4 ft tall. Ignore everything there is to eat (including the desserts) in favor of eating only that fabulous delicacy, macaroni and cheese. Spend the majority of your time dancing and chasing your friends.
You may or may not be aware of a man people call "Santa," but he's kind of a big deal. Every time you wake up from a nap or nighttime grin at your parents and remind them that "Santa is coming. He going to bring presents for Lena." Rumor has it that Santa is at the snake mall (aka Katy Mills - the Rainforest Cafe has a big snake outside). Tell everyone you see, "Santa at snake mall" just to ensure they don't miss out.
If you are lucky enough to have a nativity that you are allowed to play with then spend time with it each day. Hot topics for the holy family to discuss include phrases such as: "dinner's ready!" "where's my crib?" and "no boys! no!" (the last one to be used when scolding those pesky magi).
Finally, when it comes to asking Jolly Old St. Nick for a gift, dream big. What would you like for him to bring? Elmo. A toy Elmo? No, Elmo. An Elmo video? No. Elmo. Kevin Clash? NOOOO... ELMO!
The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear. Frosty the Snowman is a very good choice when choosing something to sing. The words go a little something like this "Frosty snowman... holly jolly... coal... buttons eyes." Sing along to every christmas song you hear. Request "I want hippo" often and once it's playing be sure to dance and sing along, "Eye! I want tinkie toys! Hippo!" If a song happens to come along and you find that you dont know the words just make up your own. As long as you've got the right tune you can always sing "Santa Claus is coming soooon. Santa is going to bring presents to Carolenaaaaa."
Point out the abominable snowman every time you see him. Appropriate responses include, but are not limited to: (1) yell, "bumble!" while pointing and cheering (2) yell, "bumble!" while raising your arms above your head and roaring at him in imitation (3) yell, "bumble!" and then wrap your arms around your body as though you're cold, stick out your lower lip, and say with a glint in your eye, "I scared!"
If you are lucky enough to attend a church Christmas party ignore everyone in the room over 4 ft tall. Ignore everything there is to eat (including the desserts) in favor of eating only that fabulous delicacy, macaroni and cheese. Spend the majority of your time dancing and chasing your friends.
You may or may not be aware of a man people call "Santa," but he's kind of a big deal. Every time you wake up from a nap or nighttime grin at your parents and remind them that "Santa is coming. He going to bring presents for Lena." Rumor has it that Santa is at the snake mall (aka Katy Mills - the Rainforest Cafe has a big snake outside). Tell everyone you see, "Santa at snake mall" just to ensure they don't miss out.
If you are lucky enough to have a nativity that you are allowed to play with then spend time with it each day. Hot topics for the holy family to discuss include phrases such as: "dinner's ready!" "where's my crib?" and "no boys! no!" (the last one to be used when scolding those pesky magi).
Finally, when it comes to asking Jolly Old St. Nick for a gift, dream big. What would you like for him to bring? Elmo. A toy Elmo? No, Elmo. An Elmo video? No. Elmo. Kevin Clash? NOOOO... ELMO!
Monday, December 16, 2013
Touche
I've become convinced that our baby has some sort of weapon that it's using to zap all of my energy, make me feel queasy, make me incredibly tired, and start each of my days lightheaded. It also uses said weapon to give me heartburn and insomnia... and did I mention that it makes me tired? I believe this weapon is called a placenta. Touche Mother Nature. Touche.
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
Surprise!
It wasn't surprising this morning when I dropped a jar of salsa on the floor in Koger.
It was surprising when the cashier responded with a relieved, "Oh thank God. I thought your water had broken." I wasn't under the impression that would sound like a glass jar smashing to the ground... but then again, what do I know?
It wasn't surprising when Chris left the other night to bring back a "surprise for his girls" (pizza).
It was surprising when he walked out the front door, turned right back around to grab his keys, and upon entering the door saw Carolena jump out in front of him yelling, "surprise!"
It wasn't surprising when Chris opened our pantry and asked, "Geeze, how many jars of pickles does one family need?"
It was surprising to find out there are jars of pickles in this house that I haven't consumed yet.
It wasn't surprising when I opened my blog to find it's been about a month since my last post. I mean, really, I've been falling asleep at 8 pm every night.
It was surprising to start a new post today after I announced I would spend the entire day studying for the teaching I'm doing this Saturday.
Oh, who am I kidding, that isn't surprising at all. Now, what else can I go do to procrastinate? Besides cleaning of course.
It was surprising when the cashier responded with a relieved, "Oh thank God. I thought your water had broken." I wasn't under the impression that would sound like a glass jar smashing to the ground... but then again, what do I know?
It wasn't surprising when Chris left the other night to bring back a "surprise for his girls" (pizza).
It was surprising when he walked out the front door, turned right back around to grab his keys, and upon entering the door saw Carolena jump out in front of him yelling, "surprise!"
It wasn't surprising when Chris opened our pantry and asked, "Geeze, how many jars of pickles does one family need?"
It was surprising to find out there are jars of pickles in this house that I haven't consumed yet.
It wasn't surprising when I opened my blog to find it's been about a month since my last post. I mean, really, I've been falling asleep at 8 pm every night.
It was surprising to start a new post today after I announced I would spend the entire day studying for the teaching I'm doing this Saturday.
Oh, who am I kidding, that isn't surprising at all. Now, what else can I go do to procrastinate? Besides cleaning of course.
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