The Itchy & Scratchy Show

Dear Future Casey, If you ever for one second doubt the decision to not get pregnant again reread this post:

Man, 99 times out of a 100 I would not recommend people use google for medical knowledge. Feeling better about the decision to not get pregnant again is not one of those times. Geeze, any time I feel down about that decision I just need to get on the old google machine and get a reality check.

If you disagree and think I should get pregnant again it's because you weren't around during either of my pregnancies. The daily (all day and night) vomiting... for nine months. The first trimester ER visits. The 8 month mark bed-rest stints. The great liver/kidney/gallbladder bile backup of 2014. You know, that was the itchy and scratchy show that happens to like one in an bazillion women which resulted in phone calls from the doctor's office at 9pm on the night before induction insisting that I needed to drive to the ER and pretend to be in labor because "beds are filling up, and Casey, you have have the baby tomorrow..." you know - three weeks early.

I'm not exaggerating. The doctor's office called me at 9pm the night before I was supposed to arrive at the hospital and told me that beds were filling up and that I had to be in one. I was told that I needed to go in and pretend to be in labor. Really. I would have been freaking out more had it not been for the distraction of the misery of liver malfunction.

Thank you, God for our healthy Nils!

 

Our Prayers of the People includes prayers for the pregnant. A woman named Casey is on the list right now which is evidently insanely confusing for people. As everyone knows, I am the only woman in the entire world with that name who could get pregnant. Duh. Chris, loveable Chris, took it in stride and during the announcements told the congregation that it is not me that we're praying for and that he and I are going with a "man on man defense for now when it comes to parenting." He handled it so well. I actually got a few "congratulations on not being pregnant" after the service. I know the other Casey and am insanely excited for that family so I had a beer that night in celebration for them. And a second beer in celebration of the fact that I don't have to be the one barfing for 9 months! L'chaim!

Feeling much better. I knew I would have a meltdown as the big day approacheth. It was inevitable. Not getting pregnant again is just the right decision. It doesn't mean it's the easy one. It doesn't mean it's the preferable one. It's just the best choice for me. And for my wonderful family.

You are welcome to ask me about it. I'm pretty much an open book. But be wise enough to know that it's better to not ask me about it unless you are handing me a mint julep and have a few hours to kill listening to every nuance of the female brain. So I'll summarize it for you to save you some time: it's the right decision.

I can also just direct you to J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix:"A slightly stunned silence greeted the end of this speech, then Ron said," One person can't feel all that at once, they'd explode.”"

In other news: adoption is around 30k. So don't ask me about that either unless you are opening a checkbook.

I jest. Except about the 30k thing. That's lowballing it from what I hear.

Hey, did you hear my clone mother is having a birthday today? She's pretty fabulous. I like her.

Remember the time I found this photo and realized I had accidentally cut my hair like that and gotten the modern (er... older?) version of those glasses? Uh... this is getting freaky people...

OOOOhhh, I love you like a pig loves corn! Happy birthday my viking mother!

The Tracks of My Tears

"People say I'm the life of the party cause I tell a joke or two. Although I might be laughin' loud and hearty, deep inside I'm blue... take a good look at my face, you'll see my smile looks out of place. If you look closer it's easy to trace the tracks of my tears."

This morning began on a very high note. Bodypump has a new release out so it was fun to start the day off with new moves and good (overall) music. And then - the fit muscular guy behind me in class came up to me when I was putting away my weights and exclaimed, "You are really strong! I am new to this class and have been following your lead as to how much weight to put on my bar. You can lift a lot of weight!" I laughed and thanked him for the compliment. Then he said, "women don't tend to get that strong in their upper bodies but I had a hard time keeping up with you! I'm impressed" - and I couldn't have been prouder.

Then I came home and Chris' looming visit with Dr. Snippet (sorry, tmi) suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks and I crumpled into a crying mess on the couch.

{sigh} Sometimes it's just so hard to know what the right thing to do is.

I Kellyed myself up and packed some lunches to bring to the library with us. A good time was had by all at toddler time (with plenty of dancing and clapping by Nils), and Carolena ran into a friend from school who hung with us for the rest of the morning. The girls had fun playing and choosing books and then we all headed out to feed the ducks and enjoy a little lunch. Some of the ducks had "a little 50 shades of gray thing going on" as the other mom put it and the girls had to be redirected to picking flowers lest they be trampled by overzealous fowl.

So, here we are midday on a day with high highs and a low low. Nils is sound asleep and Carolena is plowing through the new books we brought home. I'm trying to think about what I might be willing to force myself to eat for lunch. It's hard to eat when you spent the morning sobbing.

This afternoon: sonic drinks, the park, the ymca, a haircut?? The possibilities are seemingly endless. Whatever we do, we'll do something fun. That's the plan and I'm sticking to it.

Something for me to keep in mind in the future: that other mom has no idea what a blessing she was to me today. We never even remember one another's names. She has no idea that I spent the morning in tears facing the hardest decision of my life. She has no clue that I easily could have spent our entire trip to the library wallowing and fighting back tears and feeling distracted while my children ran amok. Instead, seeing her there helped turned my day around - good conversation with someone who loves to read nonfiction, has heard of Ernest Shackleton, bought her husband Undaunted Courage recently. Yep, I need to remember to be kind to people. You never know what's happening underneath the surface in their lives. And perhaps I need to find a way to force that girl to be my friend.

To Infinity and Beyond

On Sunday we were literally about to walk out the door when I realized Nils had a fever. So off came his church shoes and into his hand went his blankie. "Carolena," I called out from Nils' room as he happily sucked down a syringe full of acetaminophen, "Nils is sick and we have to stay home."

Before I could blink she was there in the doorway taking off her shoes and yanking ferociously at the ribboned braid in her hair, "Great. So I can take this out?" she said.

Later that afternoon she brought me an empty beer box and requested that I cut a hole in it and get down the foil for her so that she could be an astronaut.

And Nils, sick or not, saw a camera and thus was not to be left out of the picture taking:

Right Now

Right now... I'm glad I didn't sign up for the blog everyday in April challenge I was toying with entering!

I just finished pulling out a large container of strawberries from our refrigerator a few moments ago when Carolena began cheering, "Yay! They have ice cream on them!" Oh, if only strawberries began to grow ice cream instead of mold.

Our house currently smells of sunscreen and basil. A perfect home smell if you ask me. I'm debating as to whether I want to eat the basil tonight with mozzarella and tomatoes or as pesto in pasta. Decisions, decisions. Life is truly blissful when this is the biggest decision I have to make at the moment.

Carolena has a huge lumpy bruise on her head from an incident with the rocking chair. It was one of those times when there were thankfully few tears and a huge blue lump immediately forming. Because, you know, Nils' huge scab from falling on Kelly's outdoor rug had finally fallen off (into my shirt in case you were wondering. Ew.) and evidently my children believe that one of both of them should have a facial injury at all times. It makes for good conversation they believe.

Nils is finishing up medical school. If he sees anyone with a camera he gets overly excited which is why you see my hand holding him at arm's length to get this shot. All other attempts wind up like this:

Artist in Residence

"It's a ghost. He's wearing stripes and saying 'Hey, who stole my gum?!" Carolena


 

"Cheeeeese!" Nils

spring fever

Confession: I get antsy just before the spring.

Every. Single. Year.

Something about the coming of spring makes me antsy. The thought of spring and summer being within reach but not yet here makes me crazy which in turn makes me slovenly. So pretty much every year I spend all of January and February loafing about being a big slug and then all of March in a stupor just wondering where my motivation went.

Luckily it's now April so I am motivated again. The weather is finally on my side which means fewer (or no?!) migraines and plenty of time in the backyard. We've even managed a few picnics. I am back in the groove of getting my three workouts in each week and surprisingly I've moved up in my weights. What?! Turns out a few weeks of sleeping in instead of hitting bootcamp has worked out in my favor.

I have done absolutely nothing to work on the bible study I'm writing. So... the bible study curriculum I'm currently not writing I should say. And we all know my poor blog has suffered greatly. So, writing. That's what is up next for me. I need to get writing. Perhaps that will come with this new spring in my step.