The Wonderful Adventures of Nils

If you find a giant container of sprinkles...

pull it out and ask Mommy to open it. She'll say no. So you should try to get that sucker open on your own... preferably on the carpet just to make things more interesting.

Tell Mommy that it's too hard to open. Beg and plead with her to open them so that you can stick your little paws into the jar. She'll say no.

Why does she always say no?! Hmph. Go find something cool and refreshing to sip on while you get over the horror of having been denied the delicacy of sprinkles...

like a nice caffeinated Diet Dr. B! Wait... what?! She isn't going to open this either?!

I Found Them Like This

I found them like this...

 behind the couch, snuggled in, whispering secrets.

I found them like this...

in Nils' crib, reading, listening, calm.

Heaven.

To Unfriend or Not to Unfriend? That is the Question

Isn't it funny when friends on Facebook are all saying the same thing and none of them know each other? The topic du jour lately is about unfollowing and unfriending people. Certainly that has become the quick fix. If someone is too annoying in your newsfeed you can simply unfollow them. Too persistently commenting on your own page? Unfriend them. Ouch. That'll show them.

I, of course, I am guilty of those things. Although, in my defense the unfriended people were people who I literally don't know anymore and I am confident they didn't notice.

But, there is something that I have stopped doing: I have stopped unfollowing people who annoy me. The only people who are unfollowed are the people who were filling my newfeed too often. Those people who were posting too many times a day for me to be able to see anyone else - those are the ones who are gone from it. Anyone who just makes me angry? They stay. And here's why...

Because they exist.

Simply that. They exist. The people who make me mind-explodingly livid? Those people are real. They are flesh and blood people. Not some general idea. Not just some vague notion of "people like that." 

The dude who always brings up gender when it is totally irrelevant thus says something completely sexist offending me without realizing it at all? Yes, I know him. He isn't just some guy in a movie. The person who posts the most racist videos, but would be horrified to be called racist? Yep, that person is a real person too. The girl who is "just the worst mom ever" and "omg so fat" and all that self-depreciating jazz, well, we all know at least one of those. And, of course, let's not forget the overly pushy political person who just knows for a fact that all of your well formed opinions are dead wrong. All of those people... those are in fact people I KNOW. Some are the people who I grew up with. Some are their parents. Some are people I met in church. All of these people who can make me so angry on Facebook? So angry that I want to unfollow or (*gasp*) unfriend them? These people are in fact... my friends.

I keep people in who anger me and here's why: because it is good to remember that everyone is having a hard time. Facebook is a good insight into the human condition and, let's face it, Facebook is pretty damn angry a lot of the time. And why is Facebook so angry all of the time? Because people feel angry. People are lonely and sad and self conscious. Blocking and unfollowing and unfriending doesn't change that. It just blocks that from my mind. Pretending it doesn't exist doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Not seeing the anger and rudeness on Facebook doesn't mean it isn't there. It just means it's there and my head is in the sand.

So then what? My Facebook is full of hate... then what? Just get on it and be filled with anger and frustration and sadness? Nope. I think about when my kids are totally melting down and making me crazy. Usually it's a cry for attention. 9 times out of 10 when kids are being "bad" it's because they need some calm, some one on one time. They need a good book and a cup of milk and a quiet voice. They need some calm in the chaos. Bad behavior on Facebook is the same thing. They just need some calm, some love, some hope.

Christ instructs us to pray for our enemies. Could all of this hate pouring from our friends not be a time when we need to heed these words? I don't think I have anyone/anything I would call my "enemy" more than hate. Maybe instead of blocking people from our feeds when they make us angry we should say a prayer for them. If they are so angry as to be filling Facebook with hate, then perhaps they need prayers for peace. I try to not be condescending or judgmental though so usually it ends up along the lines of, "uh... God... I don't know what to pray for them about, but... yeahh... (name)... err... Thy will be done..." and then I sit and think a while and end up saying the Lord's Prayer.

Yes, I keep "those people" in my feed. I want to remember what sexism, racism, and anger really look like... because all of that hate and ignorance... it looks just like me. It looks like my friends. And it reminds me to be kinder to the stranger in the grocery store, to the mom at the playground, to the neighbor down the street. Because if all of these people on Facebook, who seem to "have it all" have so much anger and hurt and sadness and hate coming out of them, then truly everyone is in need of some extra kindness and generosity and love.

The Life of the World to Come

I have always been so immersed in a church community I can't imagine life without it.

That's not true. As far as that goes, college was a bust. I was lonely and yearned to know people who weren't my own age. Though I later served as a campus minister, I certainly wasn't involved in the student center while a student. I wanted to know people who were my elders. That's always been one of the greatest things about church for me.

From Mrs. Purden's cookies to the world's warmest smile on Bill Barth's face each Sunday, St. Mark's gave me a home church in which I was raised by generations of Episcopalians, not just my parents. Ironically (because she was the world's most fabulous clergy spouse) I always wanted most to be like Marie Calcote (ironic because I too am now a clergy spouse... though decidedly not the world's most fabulous). I knew people well who weren't kids, who had already "been there" and "done that" and who weren't my flesh and blood family. Church family is a very powerful thing.

Without a church (or synagogue, or mosque) how would someone know people in other age groups? Perhaps they don't. What a loss. I'm not talking about religion right now - I'm talking about relationships. What a true loss to not have friends in other life stages.

Many... most? of the people I hold dearest in my current parish are considerably older than I am. They are the ones who welcomed me into my church home with loving and open arms. They are the ones who offer me the wisdom of having survived. When I show up on a Sunday looking tired and haggard, they smile knowingly and laugh saying things like, "Yep. I remember those days. It will get better." When I have news to share of successes, they never wonder self consciously if I am passive aggressively competing with them (peers, I never am, I don't care). They just celebrate my successes with me. And their stories are fabulous. Stories about raising their own children, most of whom were born before I was. Stories about falling in love and getting married in a whirlwind of weeks. Stories about staying married through the thick and thin. Stories about losing loved ones and pain and moving and new jobs and hardships. There is most definitely a wisdom that comes with age.

A friend (who is not yet an old man) is dying right now and I'm at a loss for words. Well, am I ever truly at a loss for words? There are many things to say about his character (upstanding), his love for his family (endless), his love for God (inspiring)... all of that... but for me, when he was still able to attend church, he was the person who shared with me a similar love of learning. I knew that each Sunday we would stop and talk. Like most people we would inquire as to one another's families and all that jazz, but the heart of our friendship, the real meat of why we "click" is that we have the same passion for learning. We would fly through all of the niceties of conversation and then one of us would excitedly say to the other, "Guess what I learned about?!" or ask one another a question about the other's studied topic and then the conversation would really take off. I've missed seeing him these last few months. I didn't realize how accustomed I'd grown to our... nope... that's not true at all. I have actually cherished that friendship since day one. 

And I have meanwhile heard news of another (much older) friend's medical diagnosis. They too are someone who I make a point to sit by when the seat next to them is empty. I heard of this yesterday and won't blog more about it. Suffice to say, I'll miss this person as well.

Since Chris became a priest he has done an insane amount of funerals. It wasn't until now, in this parish, in this family, that they really started taking their toll on me. "But wait!" I want to cry out "These are my friends! my family!" Our last church was huge. And I worked for another church. I never knew, or really knew, any of the people whose funerals Chris was presiding.

To be honest... I much prefer this. Because the richness of friendship far exceeds the hardship. The beauty of knowing each other, the joy of learning from one another, the love we share with one another in friendship - all of that truly outweighs the heaviness of death.

And with great hope, we look for the resurrection of the dead, and the life of the world to come. 

The Itcy and Scratchy Show

When I hit rock bottom with my migraines it was pretty damn low. I don't even really want to talk about it. It was bad. Really bad. Only Chris knows a glimpse into how bad.

And now... I cry in relief and joy and thanksgiving. My life is... oh no... here come the waterworks... my life is so different now.

Why didn't I see a neurologist earlier? Okay, I can't dwell in the past. But I can say that in the past I didn't feel well pretty much every single day. A crunchy neck (migrainey - not like a sore neck from sleeping weird. It's different), a headache running across one side, pain behind an eye, feeling worn out for not apparent reason - these were almost daily occurrences.

And now I feel good - great - every single day.

Back then I was bed ridden once a week (give or take - sometimes less, sometimes more) for 24 hours (or sometimes more). I haven't been bedridden with a migraine since I started seeing a doctor for them. Knock on wood: not once. Okay, just once - but it was different. I chose to go to bed versus being unable to speak or get out of bed.

I could go on. Suffice to say, life is grand. Before seeing a neurologist I would say, "If I could get rid of these migraines I would do almost anything. I would chop off my leg to be done with them." Well, as it turns out... my legs are still in tact... but damn are they ever itchy.

I'm taking a daily medication to ward off migraines (I still get them, but now my response med is more affective thus my ability to not be bedridden). The daily med's number one side effect? Weight loss. To the point that it is being used as a weight loss drug for some.

How much weight have I lost in the months I've been on this drug? None. Zip. Nadda.

But wait! There's more! I did get two side effects! Two lesser known side effects of this drug? Extremely sensitive skin (awesome for someone who likes to get in the Gulf of Mexico. Just the clean shower water makes me want to freak out and rip my skin off. And shaving my legs? Forget about it. Yeah... let's blame that on the drug) and loss of feeling in my hands (double awesome for someone who loves to lift weights). But, that is (hopefully) the extent to which I will complain - because: WORTH IT.

I'M NOT HAVING LIFE COMPLICATING MAKING ME WANT TO DIE FROM THE PAIN WORSE THAN CHILDBIRTH NUMBER TEN ON THE PAIN SCALE MIGRAINES ANYMORE!!!!! WOOOOOO!!!! (I mean, technically I am - but you wouldn't know it because now my meds work) SOOOO HOOORRAYYYY!!!! THANK YOU GOD!!!!

But seriously... it couldn't have been the weight loss? Damn. I mean, really?
*sigh*
Worth it.

Diet Coke

My senior year of college one of my professors had each of us do mock interviews with him to prepare us for the looming "real world." We each had to schedule a time to meet in his office as though we were being interviewed for our dream job.

Question One: If you were a drink, what would you be?

I began to muse out loud.

"Well, I would certainly be carbonated... I have a lot of energy. And definitely caffienated because I bring a lot of energy as well. Hmm... Coke?

No, wait... not Coke. I'd be Diet Coke... because I'm actually not terribly sweet... I'm just sweet enough."

We stared at one another for a moment and then he pushed away his papers and said, "No more questions. You got the job."

Unfortunately, he did make me sit for the rest of the questions. Double unfortunately, I've never been asked that question in the real world.

Minion Parrrtaayy

Birthday preparations are in full swing around here. Until about two weeks ago Carolena had plans for a birthday party at the beach. To pull off that fete I had planned to... uh... bake a cake. Yep, bake a cake... that's pretty much it. I'm sure I would have planned more but...

But construction at the beach house led me to second guess that party plan. And we were in fact at the beach with some of her cousins which was what she said she wanted to do for her party so I felt like she could check off that box. And I had lingering concerns that a four year old (who of course talks about birthdays all year round) wouldn't remember by January that a party at the beach with her cousins was the same thing as a bash with her friends. And last, but certainly most importantly, the beach house is under construction which is kind of a big deal if you want to have a party there. So, we punted and returned home. Punted and returned? Huh, that sounds kind of sporty... weird... I wonder if it is. Punted and returned. Punted and returned. That's fun to say.

Luckily, I grew up in a home with a mom who threw parties. Not big galas where a party planner came with a notebook and wandered around lighting candles and then people in tuxedos served horderves. I mean real parties, the kind where my mom did the actual inviting, and cooking, and cleaning. So, yeah, I know how to do that.

I sent out some emails and voila! People can come! We've got a party!

So, preparations are in full swing and I love it! A pinata is now hanging in the living room exciting all of us (well, at least me) every time we walk by. Carolena and I have had an arts and crafts explosion (yay!) and made minion paper chains and minion plastic eggs. We've sat together with cookbooks open and pens to paper day dreaming about what she could eat for her birthday (she's set on ice cream in cones with sprinkles. I'm convincing her people might need something more than just that).

And yes, the paper mache around here is going to get weird... it already has...

Eternal Rest Time?

The other day as Nils was napping, Carolena and I resumed our usual "rest time" activities.

Have I told you that Carolena doesn't nap? No, no. Lordy, no. That child gave up naps right after the time that Nils was born. Convenient. *cough*

So, we came up with "rest time" activities. Sometimes she is content to lie in her room with a stack of magazines (thanks to Kelly's kids getting magazines) and some puzzles. Sometimes her big box of blocks or trains or puzzles will keep her busy for an hour. But more often than not we hang together, reading books in my bed or watching a movie and almost always eating popcorn.

Last week we gathered together a stack of books and got snuggled up on the couch while Nils slept. Nurse Nancy is a popular book in our household (as it was in Leona's as well) and was in the stack. As soon as I finished the last page I was declared to be "Nurse Nancy!" and was invited to Carolena's clubhouse (aka the huge cardboard box residing in our living room for the duration of the summer).

I made a bag of popcorn while Carolena gathered picnic toys and we met back up in the clubhouse.
"Hi, I'm Nurse Nancy" I said to which Carolena smiled and replied, "Hi. I'm Carolena from Texas."

"I brought popcorn. Do you want some?" I offered her the bowl and we started happily munching. Looking for more conversation I tossed out, "Do you want to be my friend?"

"Sure!" Carolena replied.
"Do you have a best friend?" I asked to which she looked apologetic and gave me this gem, "Yes. I do. His name is Nils. He's my brother. Nils. He's my best friend."

Oh wait, but there's more...

"Do you like my club house?" she asked me to which I replied with an emphatic, "Yes!"
"I live here" she said "all alone... because my parents... they died."

Thanks Disney.

"Your parents died?!" I said.
 She solemnly nodded, "yes, my mom's name was Casey. She died."

"Wait... wait... you're pretending I'm DEAD?!"
"No, you're Nurse Nancy!"
"But your mom Casey is dead?!"
"I'm pretending you are Nurse Nancy and my mom Casey is dead."
"gggeeeze. hmph." generally pouting.

To which Carolena did some sort of little kid version of kind of rolling her eyes and "Parents. They just don't get it" kind of face and then "Ring ring!" she picked up a bratwurst (the picnic is from Ikea), held it to her ear, and answered "Hello!"

She then looked at me with gleaming eyes, "It's my parents! They died and now they are alive again!"

Whew. Thanks be to God. Alleluia, alleluia!

Peek A Boo!

Hey Little Blog... I see you there... I remember you...

kind of.

Ugh! Get off me! I've been busy, okay!

Doing this...

and this...

and of course...

Yesterday I started my first ever paper mache project (first ever! 30+ years without paper mache! how did that happen?!). So sorry to tell you this blog, but I fear you are going to feel the ramifications of that one while I spend my time covering everything in sight in wet newspaper... this could get caaarrrrrraaazzzyyyy. Seriously... how have I never done paper mache before? I now have visions of masks and four foot tall paper mache minion armies and a plethora of pinatas and... oh how the possibilities are endless!

Summer O Fun 2015 plows onward. Where did June go? And wait... what the hell... my eyes flick down to the right and see July TWELFTH? Time does in fact fly when one is having fun. Thus far my plan to have summer fun every single day continues. We haven't had nearly enough sno cones, but as kids do not start school until after Labor Day I think there is still plenty of time for that. My plan to invite friends over "all of the time this summer" has been somewhat unfruitful thus far, but mainly due to vacations and staples in heads (well, thankfully just the one... Carolena...), and I plan to reinstate the Summer of Parties Rule beginging again today.

Now, if you'll excuse me... children are sleeping and I have some wet newspaper to go drape across a balloon... PINATA!!